You would think that an urbane chick like me could handle anything life throws her way. I usually can, that’s why I have the job I do. But when it comes to SOME men, like my sexy, wonderful “Secret Agent Man” (SAM for short), I can be rather clueless. I discovered that last night quite by accident.

At the end of a most wonderful phone conversation he finally said to me: So how soon can I hear from you again?"

Ms. Sophisticated Urbane Chic (me) answered "Uhhhhhhm, I don't know." Why did I say such a stupid thing? ‘Cause I was truly puzzled and when that happens my mind starts racing. That's when the barrage of questions from my inner demons residing in my head began, "You know, I'm not really clear on what he means" and in the background I hear his wonderful sexy voice protesting my "I don't know."

“Oh, I see how it is… [he says in a disappointed frustrated voice] I’ve been away in China on business for almost 10 days, in which I didn’t call because of the 12hr time difference, and as a result I'm now relegated to the backburner of your life, while you play it cool. I see how it is.”

My inner demons were screaming at me, the arrogant evil one thought, "good let him sweat it out for awhile for not calling". The nicer demon screamed “Noooooooo, wait, that’s not what you meant, talk to him…. NOW dammit!!! Tell him the truth. Tell him that you’ve missed him, but didn’t call sooner because he hadn’t responded to your last email. Tell him you thought he was busy and...”

“AHHHH, STOP!!!“ I shouted to myself in my head as I pressed the palms of my head against my forward to try and stop the chatter and my impending headache. The voices subsided long enough for me to respond to SAM, who had been quietly protesting all the while through the telephone. When I spoke, all I was finally able to say was, “Its your turn next.”

"What?!!" I thought to myself. All I remember from him was silence. While within me raged a second storm between my twin demons who were by now vying intenselfy for supremacy, so ttheir message could get out first. The nice demon said: “Tell him you DO want to talk with him… often, but just don’t know how often and how long, or what happens if he calls and you're not in the mood. Or what if you're PMS, Lord, that’s never a good time to talk with you, EVER!.” I swear, for once in my life I was rolling my eyes at myself. I was so grateful he wasn't standing before me. My internal dialogue continued going in all different directions, my feelings were being crowded out by my demon twins [I'm a true gemini after all].

My evil demon shouted, saying, “Wait A minute... you’ve emailed, you’ve called… you’re not the only one who should be doing the heavy lifting here. He has to show he truly cares about this relationship too, otherwise you’re giving too much of yourself, and then it becomes one-sided when it should be an equal effort… a give and take, a partnership. This is when they show you if they can be a truly giving and caring friend, 'cause if that's too much to handle, then they'll be coming up short with everything else every time and then it'll be too late to realize you're just been wasting your time.” Since the argument sounded reasonable, I let my last statement stand.

We talked for a bit more about other things, I donÂ’t remember how the call ended exactly, it was late and I hadnÂ’t slept well in a week, so I knew to quit while ahead.

And since I wasnÂ’t able to sleep yet again, in the wee hours of the morning I wondered if this is as hard for him, as it is for me. How on earth do we get past the inner demons and the fears to be able to speak from our hearts. Is it just as hard for him to tell me what he wants or needs from me, as it is for me. But the truth is that somehow we are managing to go over those spped bumps called fears, that temporarily slow us down long enough for us to take stock on how things are going on this wonderful journey. The good thing is that those bumps serve as a way to learn how to first and foremost be friends, so that we can learn how to be incredible lovers afterwards. I wonder if he's even aware how my stammering and stumbling of words is something that happens only when I talk with him.

Because if it hadn’t been that hard for me, I would have simply said, “You know what, I’ve missed you this past week. I've missed your sense of humor, your incredible sexy voice; I've missed the sharing of our week with each other... I always love hearing from you... in any form. So write when you want to write, even if its just to say hi and to let me know you're busy. Call when you feel like calling. And if we can talk, we’ll talk and If we can’t… well, then we’ll figure something out when we get there. You just tell me what you're comfortable with, then do what you're comfortable with, and I'll do the same, and we'll just go from there. How does that sound?”

One thing's for sure, next time I'll make sure I have plenty of sleep before we talk. I think the call would have gone a lot differently had I slept more than 16 hrs in in the last 5 days.

Hmmmm, I wonder if anyone has figured out how we can do do-overs in relationships. Any suggestions?

Posted by: Michele at 12:27 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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My physical therapist suggested that I take certain types of dance to strengthen my glutes, quads, etc., in both legs as they are not as strong as they can and should be since the accident. His suggestion: supplement PT by taking either Belly Dancing or Flamenco once a week.

Truthfully, I'm torn. I've taken begginers workshops in both in the past, I enjoyed both immensely. So, I'll leave it up to you guys to decide. Whatever gets the most votes wins and that's what I'll be taking once a week through the fall. To give you an idea of what I'll be doing here's a video on each style. Please give it at least a minute as it's slow during the intro. BTW, picking out these 2 videos, along with watching this guy [ladies: wait for the money shot], made me feel a whole lot better.

First we have a Flamenco adaptation to Bizet's Carmen.

Next we have a mediterranean style of belly dancing

Posted by: Michele at 10:54 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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1 I tried to link you to a YouTube video I saw a few months ago of a sassy redhead belly dancing to KISS's "Heaven's On Fire". I couldn't find it. If that means that she'd taken it down because she had too many stalkers, that oughta make up yer mind. Seriously, the flamenco had me with the music, but the dance was too slow. (I'm sure that it's just the video.) But the belly dancing vid? Woah!!! Now there's some serious inspiration. If ye wanna get into shape somehow, try the belly dancing. Not only will it tone every central muscle in yer body, you'll look perty darn sexy doin' it! And that's what's all about, ain't it? Lookin' sexy while doing the Hokey Pokey?

Posted by: Tuning Spork at June 05, 2007 02:11 AM (3PTbq)

2 Aaah. Here she is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLW87ZADsH8 uh huh. (html doesn't seem to work in yer comments...)

Posted by: Tuning Spork at June 05, 2007 03:47 AM (3PTbq)

3 I've got to agree with Spork - the belly dancing looks like a better work-out. And yeah - sexy.

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at June 05, 2007 07:30 AM (Z3kjO)

4 I'd go for the bellydancing, since I am partial to it.

Posted by: Quality Weenie at June 05, 2007 11:38 AM (R6yie)

5 Wow. No thoughts either way. I just think it is cool either one you take. Will you teach me?

Posted by: vw bug at June 05, 2007 01:26 PM (FPOeI)

6 Bellydancing is pretty hawt, yeah. Flamenco is also good exercise, or what about Salsa dancing? That's wickedly good exercise and it's awesome music

Posted by: Oorgo at June 05, 2007 05:05 PM (ZUQGo)

7 Oh yeah. Definitely the belly dancing! Wish they had classes around here.

Posted by: Lemon Stand at June 05, 2007 06:02 PM (uVoBa)

8 I much prefer the flamenco music, but from the little I know and what I saw on the video, you're more dependent on a partner for it, no?

Posted by: Ted at June 05, 2007 06:13 PM (+OVgL)

9 I vote for Flamenco because I think it is more graceful.

Posted by: _Jon at June 05, 2007 09:33 PM (cPJtC)

10 Flamenco looks like the footwork might be a bit hard on the knees. I don't know if that's something to consider.

Posted by: Harvey at June 07, 2007 11:10 PM (L7a63)

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I think this is so wrong on so many levels. The day I ask a 10 or 11 year old for advice, is the day I move into a mental institution and throw away the key and abdicate responsibility!

Would you seek out and take advice from your 5th grader?

Posted by: Michele at 01:04 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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"A Statistical Analysis Is Only as Good as Its Starting Assumptions."

Although a basic tenet, it's one that is not always followed by analysts & media types.

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Colin hereÂ… some of you may remember how I was a guest blogger awhile back until I was banished to Siberia by the beautiful Michele for violating her blogging guidelines. This time I return having been forgiven but with much consternation and concern for Michele.

Michele and I have worked together in one capacity or another since late 2004 and as a result IÂ’ve had the opportunity to get to know her a bit on a personal level. Having redeemed myself, IÂ’ve been on my best behaviour and have been supportive during her recent physical challenges. However, in the last 2 days sheÂ’s undergone a radical change and I truly donÂ’t know what to attribute it to or what to do to help her. When it comes to dealing with emotions, either mine or someone elseÂ’s, IÂ’m truly out of my depth. Perhaps if I explain what happened recently someone out there might understand and be able to guide me as to what to do to help her.

A few days ago, we agreed that I would pick her up on Sunday for lunch and afterwards drop her off at church. When I didnÂ’t receive a call-back Sunday morning I went to her apt. to make sure she was okay. What I found was someone who was the total opposite of the cheerful, vibrant woman I know. She was altered in both mind and spirit. After a great deal of coaxing she finally allowed me to drop her off to visit a friend she said she needed to talk to. To my surprise she guided me to a cemetery about an hour from her home. Over her objections I told her I would stay and wait as it threatened rain at any moment. Before leaving the car she asked me to promise that no matter what I would not get out of the car. I did and gave her an hour before I interrupted.

Ever so slowly, limping and hobbling along, she made her way through the graves and stopped before one with a large gray headstone about 30 feet away. She stood there for a moment and while holding onto the headstone knelt down on her good knee and leaned forward letting her forehead touch the headstone in a gentle and loving way. From where I sat I could see her lips moving as if in prayer. At one point she lifted her head slightly, just enough to kiss the stone. and then pressed her cheek against it and extended her arms like a christ-like figure, almost as if trying to hug and hold the headstone.

A steady drizzle began falling and just when I thought she would finally return, she instead carefully laid her body down on the wet grass. Not knowing what to do, and constrained by my promise, I lowered the car window and called out asking: "Are you okay?" After a minute, in which I was on the verge of running to her, I received a text message saying simply “yes”. There she lay immobile on that wet grass under a cold rain for almost half hour in which I knew she would be soaked to the bone. A long while later, when a torrential downpour began to fall, I felt I had to do something. Getting out of the car I ran to her side and asked her if I could help her get up. While I waited for a response I saw that her eyes were tightly shut. In looking at the headstone I recognized the picture as one of her deceased friends. Without asking again I picked her up and carried her back to the car, placing her gently in the seat. As I closed the door I saw her eyes were still closed and tears were steadily streaming down her cheeks.

When I turned on the ignition to engage the heating system my cd player turned on automatically and played “Far Away” by Nickelback, one of her favorite bands. As I reached to turn the music off she stopped my hand and said “please” in a haunting pained voice that was just above a whisper. Her level of desolation is something I have never experienced in anyone. She she began to sob silently while I sat there not knowing what to do nor knowing what to say and feeling pretty damned angry for it too. As a man, there has never been a time in my life that I can recall feeling so utterly helpless. Men are programmed to spring into action and fix things in order to save the day, not to sit quietly by, watching helplessly as women cry.

I eventually leaned over and put my hand on her shoulder, squeezing it to let her know I was there for her. I asked if there was anything I could do? Anyone I could call? But she just shook her head. Just as I was growing wild with desperation over her sobbing I asked if I could just give her a hug. When she didnÂ’t respond I simply pulled her towards me and embraced her as tightly as I could. Her body shuddered from the deepest sob IÂ’ve ever heard. It truly broke my heart seeing her this way and knowing there was nothing I could do to lessen her pain.

I held her for a very long time until her sobs subsided. She eventually pulled away to lean back in the car seat and through small heaves of tearful gasps said “thank you”. I pleaded with her to please give me something to do, no matter how small or insignificant, that might help in some way to make her feel better, for I felt totally impotent. That’s an awful feeling to have while facing someone in pain. When she was finally calm enough to speak, she turned to me and said “pray” which was followed by a huge mournful sigh.

“Pray?” I asked, not recalling having ever prayed in my life.
“Pray” she said earnestly.
After a long pause I confessed to her that “I don’t know how to pray.” Then I asked her if “God listens to the prayers of unbelievers?”
“God listens to all… especially sinners.” And silent tears began to fall once again.
“That’s it? Just pray?” I asked again to make sure that’s what she really wanted from me and to get her to focus on our conversation rather than her thoughts.
“Pray.” she said looking at me with the saddest face I’ve ever seen on her.
After a long pause, I asked “How?” She reached over and with great effort turned off the music. She then clasped her hands, bowed her head and taking a deep breath said: “Dear God,” pausing for a moment to steady her emotions that were once again welling up inside, “please help Michele heal & become whole once again. Amen.” She looked up at me encouragingly, so I followed her lead and repeated the same words.” After another long pause I asked, “Is that all I can do?”
“That’s all anyone can do.”

We drove back the entire way in total silence, which to be honest I welcomed over the crying. I made her promise to call if she needed anything but all she said was “just pray”. I still can’t see how this prayer business works and how it can actually help her, so I’m turning to you, her readers (especially the women), to guide me and tell me what I can really do to help. She doesn’t want to talk about it, so I’m not going to press, but I welcome any advice or suggestions on how I might help because I have no clue as to what to do. If you think of anything, please email me at: nyletters – AT- gmail –DOT- com In the meantime, I’ll keep updating everyone as to how she’s doing.

Posted by: 1Colin at 02:10 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Here's why I compiled and posted this list:
From November through New Year's there's a 39% increase in household fires. In NYC alone, Christmas trees are involved in over 800 fires annually, resulting in 40 deaths (90% of which are children under the age of 10), 150 injuries and an average of more than $15 million in property loss and damage.

To ensure my son is familiar with Fire Safety I print out the list in the extended entry, give him his fire marshal hat and have him help me conduct a fire inspection. He reads off each one out loud and then checks off each one as we find we're in compliance. Then on a given Saturday morning we review our apartment fire exit plan and run a drill for our 2 fire exits. If we are able to keep it under last year's time he not only gets a sticker, he gets an ice cream sundae! This year I'm also involving my sitter as I've been working late every blue moon and I want to make sure she knows what to do.

No matter how you celebrate the holidays, there are many things that you can do to make sure that your family has a safe and comfortable holiday. Here's a number of tips I always keep with my holiday decorations, and which I anonymously mail to my idiot neighbor upstairs, since he had his Christmas fire (which partially burned and flooded my apt.) 4 years ago. This list is a reminder of all the things we should be carefol of as we decorate and celebrate during the holidays. Please feel free to add your own safety tips in the comments. Thanks!

The sources for these tips were culled from the: Fire Department of New York, U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, and the American Academy of Pediatrics. This was originally posted on 12/6/05.
more...

Posted by: Michele at 12:22 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Here are some tips that I received a while back which I wrote down in my journal and I keep going back to every year as a reminder of where I can go if I let myself get carried away by the holiday shopping spirit. IÂ’m sharing this in the hopes that it might help someone to think differently about the holidays. My other motivating factor comes from working at an investment back and seeing how people many people file for personal bankrupcy in March and April from not being able to pay their christmas shopping bills.
more...

Posted by: Michele at 11:56 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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As most of you don't know... I have a thing for penguins. I love all penguins, and have been known to stalk a few of my fine feathered friends at the Central Park Children's zoo. But I am especially fond of the most beautiful of their species - the Emperor Penguins. Here's one of my favorite photos of them. However, these sweet, mild mannered creatures which were portrayed so nobly in the March of the Penguins are not the Penguins you will encounter in Happy Feet, so you are forwarned.

To begin with, Happy Feet has a rating of PG for some mild peril and rude humor. Well, I normally pre-screen all the movies my sun watches, except for this one. Having been written and directed by George Miller (writer/director of Babe) I thought it would be a safe movie. Well, I was wrong. And you know kids, the thing that makes the adults laugh most (the rude humor) is exactly what kids will remember most and mimmick with amazing accuracy. Well, I learned that parental lesson on Sunday morning when my son mimmicked exactly one of the rude and sassy Puffer Penguins on our way to church.

I must admit that I was both mortified and trying very hard to contain my laughter, while seriously explaining why mimmicking that character was not appropriate . Sigh!

I think a PG13 rating would have been more appropriate. Thirteen year olds have the ability (hopefully) to understand, that while certain gestures are very funny for a cartoon on a movie screen, they are inappropriate for a man of any age to approach a woman with, unless he doesn't mind being smacked by his mother or the woman.

On the other hand, the movie is appropriate for adults who love Robin Williams, have a good sense of humor, and who enjoy cartoons and music. The only other thing that bothered me was the way Miller tried to stretch the movie's theme from self-acceptance to "regulating the overfishing of the Antarctic oceans". While most adults were scratching there heads at the significance of the UN General Assembly scene. I was frustrated over the factual inaccuracies of the film. The 2 biggest of these are: a) Penguins are endangered (they are instead reaching over-population) and b) the thinking that the UN or it's members have any jurisdiction over Antartica. They do not. Here's a factoid to tuck away in your heads: since Antartica is not a country and its uninhabited, the UN has no jurisdiction over the ice caps or it's mammalian occupants. Still, if you're able to overlook all that, then I dare say you might enjoy the film.

As for me, I really enjoyed the computer animation. Oh, and the penguins!

Posted by: Michele at 09:56 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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IÂ’ve been quiet for the last few days because it was easier.

It was easier not to sit in front of a blank screen and have the truth seep into my consciousness and torture my brain. Well, it seems that the more I tried to push things out of my consciousness, the more it would come to haunt me. As a result this past week has been nothing but torture. Torture from my son; torture by my house guests (Bro & Sister in Law - BIL & SIL), and self-torture from my subconscious dogging me constantly at my heals. All the while, struggling with not wanting to look at the truth, which IÂ’ve been trying so hard to deny or delay facing.

It all started by me reading this post on BouÂ’s blog. It finally brought everything to before me, making it impossible for me to continue to avert or deny the truth any longer. As a result, IÂ’ve finally realized that my son has taken after me in more ways than one. This past week, while getting phone calls at work from my SIL, BIL & son, all complaining about each other with stories on how they were torturing each other over my son's book reports, I told them I'd listen in through speaker phone and intervene when necessary. While trying to get my son to write 1 single book report, it was painfully apparent to me (as I listened to them silently) that my son processes information differently than most. Well, they all gave up on each other and I was faced with doing much damage control before my son starts school next Monday.

This morning, I finally cried UNCLE, as we lagged further behind on my sonÂ’s assigned summer reading/writing/book report schedule. There was nothing else I could do but finally google what the symptoms were for someone in his age group. IÂ’ve posted these below so you all can get an inkling of what IÂ’m going through with him. HeÂ’s luckier than most though, IÂ’ve been trained in different methodologies that have enabled me to learn on my own once I was diagnosed with a mild form of dyslexia. IÂ’ve been using a few of these techniques with him for the math and it's worked great. Unfortunately where I fail and have no experience is in helping him with his hand writing. ItÂ’s not only illegible, to get him to write barely neatly is worse than pulling teeth and it has finally brought me to my knees. Below is part of an email I received from an expert, whom I contacted via their website, inquiring about classifying my sonÂ’s issues, has enlightened me quite a bit. Now I begin the work phase.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The difficulties noted below are often associated with your sonÂ’s age group. A qualified diagnostician (see attached list for the centers in your area) can test your son to determine if he is truly experiencing one of the many forms of dyslexia, and to what extent.

- May be unable to follow multi-step directions or routines.
- May have poor "fine motor" coordination.
- Has difficulty spelling phonetically.
- Makes consistent reading and spelling errors in common words
- Relies on guessing and context.
- May have difficulty learning new vocabulary.
- May transpose number sequences and confuse arithmetic signs (+ - x / =).
- May have trouble remembering facts.
- May be slow to learn new skills; relies heavily on memorizing without understanding.
- May have difficulty planning, organizing and managing time, materials and tasks.
- Often uses an awkward pencil grip.

Finally, I read this today and it literally broke my heart because I remember being the one sitting at the kitchen table going through this myself:

"The frustration of children with dyslexia often centers on their inability to meet expectations. Their parents and teachers see a bright, enthusiastic child who is not learning to read and write correctly. Time and again, dyslexics and their parents hear, “He’s such a bright child; if only he would try harder.” Ironically, no one knows exactly how hard the dyslexic is trying."

I remember almost not being able to graduate 2nd in my class in high school because my Math teacher couldn't decipher how on earth I always got the right answers on my tests, yet I couldn't logically prove my work via complete algebraic and linear equations. It was only when my State Exams were challenged, and I had to go before their Exam Board and take the exam while 3 testers stood over me, that everyone realized something was wrong. One of the tester's asked me a few questions about my work after I completed doing a formula and asked me to solve the problem outloud. It was then they realized that not everything that was in my head made it on paper, and thus I was identified as possibly dyslexic. Further testing proved it, and I was able to keep my honor's/salutatorian status at graduation. The diagnosis was liberating in many ways, but this is when the experience with my curse first began to change.

Posted by: Michele at 01:15 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Whenever I'm unable to make a decision because there's too many things to consider, I use this method as a decision making process.

Of course this doesn't work with travel companions on vacation who each want to do a different thing at any given moment. Nope!

Instead what works is Kermit & Fozzie Bear's rule of priorities. I'll explain that one when I get back from vacation. But just in case you have a better way of dealing with these family situations I appeal to you dear reader for advice.

What do you do?

Posted by: Michele at 07:54 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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I am too dead dog tired to compose an honest to goodness, well thought out post (2nd day) or to even begin editing yesterdayÂ’s post (which IÂ’m unhappy with) so IÂ’ll simply copy a page from RPÂ’s blogging style and throw at you some of the things that I learned as I went along today. IÂ’ll start with my first lessons of the day.

- When offering to pick up a pkg. for an out of state co-worker whoÂ’s visiting, donÂ’t let them give you directions to where youÂ’re supposed to go. Instead, get an address and a telephone number so you can be SURE of where the hell youÂ’re going and not wind up 3 miles off. Park Ave is NOT Park Place.

- When drinking water, Gatorade and iced coffee on a hot day in a short time span, make sure you ask a woman where the bathroom is and the key code for the lock BEFORE you sit down in an all male meeting.

- After walking 15.6 miles in 100F+temps, do not schedule to meet up with your mentees as all youÂ’ll manage to do is drink, pee and sit there listlessly. Bou, I think IÂ’m ready for Disney.

- When getting a Pollen alert on your mobile do not ask yourself out loud in front of your son: “Where the hell do they grow enough plantains in the tri-state area to trigger a High Plantain Pollen Index Alert."

- Scheduling a pedicure after walking 60 miles in 4 days makes oneÂ’s feet very happy and tingly all over!

- When dining in a nice restaurant and catching son with one leg raised on the chair while fanning his crotch area, do not ask him what he’s doing, otherwise he’ll be forced to shout over the loud music that he’s “fanning his sweaty balls”.

- Mental note: menÂ’s balls get sweaty and need ventilation and thatÂ’s why they grab their crotch in public sometimes. Who knew!

- Drinking 2 Iced Frappuccinos' and 2 Iced Green Teas, is NOT a good idea when you're only used to caffeine in the form of 1 cup of iced coffee per day. Trying to sleep that evening is futile.

- I've discovered a new physics rule: on a hot summer's day, the more you drink, the more you have to pee. Output is not directly proportional to intake. In some instances, it is greater than intake. Further study must be done to understand the freekin' correllation and how it's possible to spend more time peeing than drinking.

Posted by: Michele at 10:25 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I want to thank those of you who have called, sent me text messages, and left comments of support and encouragement. I have always believed that a positive frame of mind is stronger and more powerful than any other mind set and you guys are doing a great job of keeping me there.

About 8 weeks ago, after a routine check up and a biopsy of skin cells (the size of a dime), I was diagnosed with stage 1 malignant melanoma (cancer). Luckily they got all the malignant cells during the biopsy and didn't have to go back for more. Afterwards, I consulted with top skin doctors in NYC to confirm the diagnosis and map out a treatment plan that would ensure I stay in the 96% of those who achieve a total recovery rate. Because it was caught during my routine check up, and because IÂ’m a vegetarian and lead a healthy lifestyle (I don't smoke, drink or bask in the sun anymore), my own personal prognosis and recovery rate has been placed even higher.

I went in to the 1st chemotherapy session knowing it would be the toughest because you don't know how your body will react or what to expect until you go through it. Blessedly and gratefully, the nausea and runs have not wiped me out totally. I have dealt with stomach viruses that have knocked me about worse. Afterwards I had enough stamina to do the basics in order to take care of me and take care of my son as he recovers from his tonsillectomy, and the visiting nurse has been helping with the rest.

You guys have been helping too, with all your kind loving words. However, thereÂ’s just one message that I received, that I truly donÂ’t know what to make of it or how to respond.

In situations like this I normally consult my friends and get guidance from them, but since theyÂ’re dead, dear reader, I have to leave it to you to give me ideas on how to respond.

To give a bit of a background, this person asked that I confirm I had cancer. After sending an email giving confirmation and a brief outline of my positive circumstances they didn't respond. After awhile I emailed and thought it best to make things clearer and easier for them to understand and I explained about my positive prognosis and the steps IÂ’ve taken to ensure that I remain healthy and well. Below is the body of the email I received in response to the 2 page email I labored in sending to this individual to make it known that the only discomfort IÂ’m experiencing is that from the treatment itself.

Any thoughts or guidance you can offer me on what to say or how to respond is greatly appreciated because IÂ’m truly at a loss for words with this one.

Thanks for writing.

As they say, the proof is in the pudding.
Only time will determine if you heal and recover.
I would have preferred if you had shared with me so that I could have prayed and tried to help you. But I can see that you have prepared yourself well.

Posted by: Michele at 01:44 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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My blog sis Teresa and my blog bro _Jon have expanded on the suggestions and discussion of preparedness. My thanks to them for their contributions.

I just have one more item inspired by Teresa's post. To make sure that all the perishable items in my Go Bag are consumable at any given time, I enter each item;s expiration date in my PDA as I purchase it. I then set the alarm on the entry 2 weeks ahead of the expiration date to give me plenty of time to purchase a replacement. It's the simplest way I can keep my bag up to date without any fuss or major inconvenience.

Also, in talking with a pharmaceutical engineer neighbor of mine he indicated that 99.9% of meds are still consumable for a little over 6 months beyond the expiration date. So if there's an emergency and that's all you've got, then give it a shot. He said the worse that can happen is that they don't work.

Posted by: Michele at 04:44 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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My dear blog dad, Harvey, has a post up on “emergency preparedness” inspired by Kim du Toit's plan. I figured I should offer my experience and 2 cents to this discussion as someone who’s been trained in this area by the American Red Cross.

My first and perhaps most important comment, is that there are different “Go Bag” needs, depending on the type of emergency you may encounter and the type of area you live in. Emergency kits are great ideas, which work best when residents have advanced warning and provided the disaster happens after everyone is home together.

I have 2 “Go Bags” in my front closet and a smaller version under my desk at work. My primary "Go Bag" is for evacuation in the event of a man-made disaster, such as the nuclear power plant accident (that’s 50 miles from me blowning-up), or an environmental or biological disaster that would put New York Residents at risk. Here’s what I have in my “Go bag” for a man-made disaster:
- Copies of important documents in a waterproof ziploc bag (insurance cards, photo IDs, proof of address, etc.) for me and my son.
- Extra set of car and house keys
- Emergency Credit and/or ATM cards and emergency cash, especially in small denominations.
Bottled water, water purifying tablets and small, light-weight, high-energy, non-perishable food such as energy or granola bars
- Flashlight, emergency AM/FM radio and extra batteries. (wind-up radios would be better as they donÂ’t require batteries).
- Medication and other essential personal items. Be sure to refill medications before they expire. Keep a plastic covered list of the medications each member of your household takes, why they take them, and their dosages.
- First aid kit
- Sturdy, comfortable shoes, lightweight raingear, and a mylar blanket
- Primary contacts and meeting place information for your household, and a small regional map.
- Child care supplies or other special care items like diapers and diaper rash lotion
- A big enough water proof back pack or bag, that is comfortable and can be carried in the event a person/family has to travel on foot for several days. As you've seen in movies, and as I experienced first hand the morning of 9/11, the only effective way out of any city is on foot. During the northeast power outage in the summer of 2002, drivers were stuck in their cars for hours, ran out of gas and were forced to abandon their overheated cars causing grid-lock for miles.

Of course, the above bag contents are different from what I have in my second ‘emergency kit’. That’s because the 2nd kit is in case of a natural disaster. We don’t get tornadoes in NYC, but we do get affected by Noreaster’s which are very strong wind-rain-snow storms at the beginning and end of each winter. During a natural disaster what I expect most to happen is that there will be transportation/communication delays or disruptions, with possible power outages. Because Noreaster’s, like hurricanes, are the type of events which someone can prepare for in advance, the type of emergency kit that Kim du Toit has prepared is perfect; provided you have the type of home structure you can hunker down in. Those are the kind of supplies a family can store for emergencies, as there’s no mobility involved. Because how far could he go if gas supply is scarce like in a hurricane? In that type of disaster, your home or apartment then becomes your emergency shelter.

That is different from man-made disasters, and especially a man-made disaster in an urban setting. First, there isnÂ’t enough gasoline to keep traffic moving and there arenÂ’t enough evacuation routes or highways, for that matter to accommodate everyone that has a car. ThatÂ’s why my evacuation plan is for walking away towards a particular ferry line which would transport me to within 3 miles of my home. I would then pick up my son and either go into our safe room or leave with our go bag to one of 3 alternate locations depending on location, intensity, severity and possible duration of the disaster and available transportation. I have 5 disaster preparedness plans for the following possible events: biological (if a poinson is released in the air, or the food or water supply is poisoned), natural (such as hurricanes or noreasters, nuclear,and power failure. For help in preparing for different types of disasters, you can read the NYC Household Emergency Preparedness Guide.

Of course, disaster planning for myself is nothing compared to the lengths of planning IÂ’ve gone to in relation to preparing for my sonÂ’s well-being. You would be surprised how unprepared many schools and hospitals still are, even in areas where tornados and terrorists are a reality. JonÂ’s post on school bus takeoverÂ’s is just the tip of the ice berg, as I found out.

When I was selecting schools and after-school programs for my son, three questions which baffled most directors were:
- What plans did you have in effect that you executed on the morning of 9-11?
- How have these plans changed since then?
- How frequently do you practice your emergency/disaster preparedness plan?

Of the 19 School Directors I interviewed, only 2 had an actual Intruder and Disaster Plans in place. In their plans, staff and students learn about emergency procedures, they practice them and kids are playfully quizzed on them 3 times a year. I wonder how many parents out there can tell me what plans their schools have in place in the event an armed intruder or a gas explosion occurs within the school. What are the channels of communication? Where are the congregation points (for parents and kids to reunite) both in and out of the school?

If something happens at HarveyÂ’s job, how will his Beloved Wife know how to get in touch with him or where to meet up w/Harvey if cell service is disrupted and the highway to and from their home or between them is impassible.

As I wrote the last sentence I began to cry because I realized I was channeling my friend, Rick, through my typing. You seeÂ… I never took security or personal safety too seriously until I lived in the Philippines and was able to foil a kidnapping attempt. Like many of you, I always assumed (aided by denial and hope) that I and my loved ones would be safe. Rick got on my case when I began working for one of the firms at the World Trade Center. In the process, he opened my eyes and showed me the importance of disaster preparedness. It was his insight, planning and execution that led his firm to lose only 3 permanent employees on 9/11. Unfortunately, he was 1 of the 3 that died. Having exited the building, he went back in to help a few consultants who had ignored his warning in the drive to finish their project. On that day, he also helped employees of other firms who had no disaster readiness plans in place, and who would have died in the towers when the primary exits were blocked. Which brings me to the question he would ambush people with whatever floor he happened to be on: Can you tell me where ALL the emergency exits are on this floor and where the exits lead to? Do you know?

Posted by: Michele at 01:36 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 This is very good information, especially about kids and schools. Not having kids it's not something I would think about but I wonder how many of my friends with kids have thought about this? I will email them today with those questions. As for knowing how to get out of my building (work), I always have 3 different ways to get out. I do this not because of thoughts terriorist or disasters but of employee shootings. Working in the auto industry we have had way to many "postal" incidents, even having a couple close calls myself. So I always know where all exits are and have at least 3 differernt ways to get out of the building from my desk.

Posted by: Quality Weenie at June 05, 2006 07:53 AM (XG7jZ)

2 That is an exceptionally helpful post, M. Thank you. It makes me realize how much work I really have to do. *sigh*

Posted by: RP at June 05, 2006 09:41 AM (LlPKh)

3 Good questions for kids' schools. Thanks for the swift kick and reminder.

Posted by: VW Bug at June 06, 2006 07:56 PM (YS9om)

4 You might also want to check out: http://laughingwolf.net/archives/cat_preparedness.html http://windsofchange.net/archives/005071.php LW

Posted by: Laughing Wolf at June 06, 2006 08:22 PM (rkPu/)

5 Excellent question on where to meet TNT "just in case". I hadn't thought of that. I'll have to discuss that with her. {hug} You're wonderful :-)

Posted by: Harvey at June 07, 2006 10:35 AM (L7a63)

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"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." --Anais Nin

This made me think of a couple of wonderful people, who unknowingly as of late have helped: calm me down, diffuse my anger and infuse my spirit with laughter, smiles and positive thoughts. I thank them with a link so that others may visit and reap the same benefits I do:

Bad Examples' Love Notes [w/out the naughty commentary]
Llama Butchers
Random Pensees
Straight White Guy
Thunder and Roses

Thank you for the hysterical laughter you induce, which makes my co-workers question my sanity. It is your antics and humor which help my spirit soar and contribute positively in lifting the stress from my life.

Posted by: Michele at 09:26 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Ambitious topic I know, but my aim is to offer the average cell phone user tips and tricks on how to get the most out of your cell phoneÂ… especially in an emergency. These are secrets guarded and coveted by every urban warrior who wages battle against having too little time.

My cell phone provider is Verizon, in the past itÂ’s been Sprint, and let me tell you what a world of difference there is between these 2 carriers. With Verizon there has never been a dropped call, unless IÂ’m in a spotty coverage area FOR ALL providers. True their service is expensive, but I believe itÂ’s worth it.

Now, if youÂ’re like me and sometimes youÂ’re traveling and you need the tel. number for a store, or direction on how to get there, or you have your laptop and need to know where the nearest local WIFI Hotspot is, [yes folks, you're very own Hotspot finder (I can almost hear Harvey thinking of a quip on that one)], or maybe youÂ’re not sure what a Local WIFI Hotspot is and want to learnÂ… well then, look no further than Yahoo Mobile Tools.

In all fairness, Google has itÂ’s own limited set of tools that are worth looking into, however, they are not as extensive nor as feature rich as YahooÂ’s Tool set for Mobile users.

One neat feature which Google has developed is the Google Mobile Gateway. In essense it's a protal-like gateway that enables you to convert any page on the internet (provided the page is not too graphic heavy) for viewing on your cell or PDA. Thanks go to Eric of Grumbles for sharing this with me!!! Now I can visit all my blog family from wherever I happen to be and don't have to wait to have time to log on to my home pc to visit them all.

If you have a web-enable phone, all you do is bookmark the google portal address and then copy and paste the url of the site you want to see at the end. more...

Posted by: Michele at 10:45 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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The tips below are culled from my knowledge of technology and my experience as a victim of online or cyber stalking. For more information please visit WiredSafety.org.

Sselect a gender-neutral username for your e-mail address or online profiles for chat rooms, forums, etc. DON'T pick something cute, such as misskitty@aol.com or use your first name if it is obviously female. Since the majority of online victims are female, this is what predators look for. Also, be cautious of using your first and last name as your user name. If you are listed in the phone book, having a user name such as firstname.lastname@hotmail.com makes you an easy target.

Instruct children to never, ever give out any personal information - their real name, address, or telephone number on-line without your permission.

Keep your primary e-mail address private. Use your primary e-mail address ONLY for people you know and trust. Get a free e-mail account through someplace like Hotmail, Juno or Yahoo! and use that for all your other on-line activity. Make sure you select a gender-neutral username that is nothing like anything you've had before.

DON'T fill out profile forms completely! When you sign up for any e-mail account, whether it's through your ISP (Internet Service Provider such as AOL or Comcast) or a free provider (such as Yahoo! or Hotmail), fill out as little information about yourself as possible. You do NOT need to fill out everything they ask for. When you sign up you'll see what information is absolutely necessary to get your account opened. You may give ficticious information (just make sure it isn't somebody else's address). The same goes for profiles in IM (Instant Messenger) programs such as ICQ or AOL, and chat rooms. Never, ever fill out your profiles, unless you want the whole world to know everything about you.

DO block or ignore unwanted users. Whether you are in a chat room or using IM, you should always check out what options/preferences are available to you and take advantage of the "Block all users except those on my buddy list" or add unwanted usernames to an Ignore list in chat. If anyone bothers you and won't go away, put them on block or ignore!

DON'T defend yourself. Yes, this is the most common reaction when someone begins to bother you on-line. Most people naturally want to defend themselves, but a reaction from you is just what the harasser/predator wants. He or she is "fishing" for someone to latch onto and harass. When you reply to them, whether in a chat room, via IM, e-mail, in newsgroups, message boards or anywhere else online, you're letting them know you're upset, and thus have given them the first clue or button to begin pushing. That's exactly what they wan.t No matter how hard it is, ignore these people. When they realize they can't bother you, they'll either go on to the next chat room, newsgroup, trying to find another "fish" or they will escalate by trying to reach you in some other way. This is where not having your address on your profile is very helpful. If someone does contact you directly after you've blocked them consider contacting authorities, there's nothing they can do but they can advise you as to current laws that might protect you if things become worse. Save the information sent to you and note date and time you were contacted.

Lurk: Lurking is good! Reading messages and not getting into discussion online gives you the opportunity to get to know the participants and the Forum/Chat room or Blogger's boudaries and limits. Respond or post to newsgroups, message boards, mailing lists, chat rooms, etc. only after you know there's adequate monitoring of discussion and good behavior observed.

Watch what you "say" or write on-line. When you do participate on-line, be careful--only type what you would say to someone's face. If you wouldn't say it to a stranger standing next to you in an elevator, why in the world would you "say" it on-line?

Signature Files. If you use a signature file (a short attachment or textual message composed by the e-mail user that common includes name, name of organization, job title, address as well as telephone and fax numbers) make sure you know what information is in there. Check to be sure you're not giving out your full name, address and phone number. If you must have some or all of that information, see the advice below.

Get a free fax/voicemail number. If you absolutely must have a contact phone number anywhere on-line, whether on a website, in your signature file or in your profile (remember what we said about profiles!), get a free fax/voicemail number from someplace like eFax. It's easy to register, you get a free number and can then post it on your web site, sig file, etc. If someone calls, they'll get a pre-recorded message stating you are unavailable and they can leave a voicemail message. If a fax is sent, it's just like a regular fax machine. You then get notification in your e-mailbox when a voicemail message or fax has arrived and can play the voicemail message through your computer (you need speakers and a sound card for this) or open up the fax and then print it out if you want. W.H.O.A. has one - you can get one, too!

Get a P.O. Box. If you need a contact mailing address, spend the money and get a P.O. Box in your town or the next town over. It's better to be safe than sorry!

Get an unlisted telephone number. Yes, you may have to contact everyone you know that you've changed your phone number, but which is more important - protecting yourself and your family or being listed everywhere? If you're currently listed in the telephone book, then anyone can find you on-line. Go to the The Ultimates White Pages (www.theultimates.com) and do a search for your phone number, or do a reverse search with your phone number. If you are listed, you need to contact each and every phone listing website and find out how to get your name/phone number removed. But remember, if you are listed, next year when the new phone books come out you'll go right back up on their sites.

Get Caller ID. If you insist on keeping your listed telephone number. Then, if someone begins harassing you on-line, looks up your listed number on the net and begins calling you, you can sometimes figure out who it is if their number shows up on Caller ID.

Ego Surf. At least every 6 months put your first name and last name in quotes in search engines (such as Yahoo!, Google or Altavista) and personal data providers (such as Anywho.com, Superpages.com, and Addresses.com, to see if you get any search results regarding your personal information. If you do you can write to them and request to be removed. Warning: you must do this every year as your name, address, etc. will be relisted. You will be surprised at what you find. Make sure you also search the names of your loved ones and/or children. Remember to put their names in quotes to refine the search results to them.

Never give your password to anyone, especially if someone sends you an email or IM (Instant Message) requesting this information to verify your membership. Your ISP will never, ever ask you for your password.

Don't provide your credit card number or other identifying information as proof of age to access or subscribe to a website run by a company you are not familiar with.

Always check the Better Business Bureau to check on the legitimacy of an online vendor.

Don't flirt online, unless you know the other person well. Diana's internet friendship and innocent flirtation led to her disappearance and sexual assault at then tender age of 15. She thought she was flirting with another boy from her school. In reality she was flirting online with a middle-aged predator who had two convictions: one for sexual assault and another for attempted murder.

TEENAGERS SHOULD NEVER GET TOGETHER WITH SOMEONE THEY MET ONLINE.

Posted by: Michele at 10:38 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Looking for LOW PRICES on toys, trinkets & more, without elbowing your way through out a store? Or are you spending hours visiting different sites comparing prices? Well, search no more, for I can help you cut shopping time in half (or more) and save you money! "How is this possible" you may ask? By using online shopping comparison sites or cyber shopping assistants like Shopzilla, or my personal favorite SHOPPING.COM

What kind of bargains can I find? Well, how about my cyber-assistant helping me find a really good 1Gb MP3 player for $68.

And if you also want to save gasoline, you just might be lucky enough to get free shipping and no tax! With great prices like these you just might have to buy something for yourself.

Information on more deals on this CyberSale Monday can be found here.

Happy Shopping!

Posted by: Michele at 12:36 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I recently opened my home utility bills and was shocked to find they had increased dramatically over last year's rates. With such a great incentive I set out to increase my efforts to reduce my utility bills even further than I did last year.

I'm sharing these with you so that you can benefit from my research, as well. I used a few of these tips last year and reduced my heating bill by 8%. This year I'm determined to use as many as possible as my goal is to reduce my bill by an additional 12%. That's been the focus of my efforts this weekend, an additional incentive has been the single digit wind chill factors we had in the last few days. I'll let you know how things go with my efforts and if I get to achieve my goal.

One of the the things I learned last year was that 80% of homes built before 1980 are not insulated. The biggest energy wasters are air leaks/drafts that come from windows, patio and regular doors, air conditioner vents, electrical boxes, plumbing, fixtures, and all utility outlets. Last year when I insulated all of these, I immediately saw a 8% decrease in my utility bills.

Below is a picture & graph showing all the potential areas you can find air leaks in a home and the percentage of heating or energy lost as a result.

The second and most immediate and the easiest way to reduce your electric bill is to disconnect appliances when not in use, especially when they have a standby feature. It is estimated that by doing this an average household can reduce their usage by 50 watts per day.

How do you reduce or eliminate air leaks or drafts?
1. Do an assessment of your entire home for energy wasters. You can do a number of things to identify leaks. Use a: flashlight (at night - requires 2 people), candle, wet hand or bare feet to test for and locate leaks through out your house. Personally I like to use a stick of incense, it's better than a candle, as it doesn't blow out, and it's less than a fire hazard.

2. Once you identify them make a list and take notes. Take a picture with a digital camera if possible (see tip 4) For example: Identify not only which window or door, but also the dimensions and where the leak is located and how big the area where the leak is. You'll need this info, not only to plan the materials you'll need to buy but also how much of them. After all, the point is to save money not add to your waste.

3. Clean the area where you will be adding weather stripping, caulking, etc. It will adhere better and create a tighter seal. Please make sure the area is dry before you begin the sealing/insulating project.

4. One thing I learned from volunteering with Habitat "always use the right tool and product for each job because duct tape only goes so far". Which means consult your local hardware store guy. They have been invaluable to helping me identify products that will eliminate air leaks and drafts. In this case pictures can be helpful if you're like me and call everything "thingamajig". I learned a long time ago that if you can't identify the parts of something and you don't know the name of what your looking to fix, hardware store employees can only help you if they know what you're talking about. So if you're like me - terminology deficient - pictures will be the only way help them identify what you need.

5. Most products have basic rudimentary instructions and safety precautions. They're there for a reason, please follow them. If you're like me, I need a lot of information to feel comfortable before using chemical caulks, etc. indoors (because of my environmental allergies) so you might need to do a bit of research for additional info.

6. Buy easy-to-use materials to seal those leaks. Weather stripping may be purchased by the foot or in kits complete with the seal and fasteners for a single door or window. Caulk is usually sold in disposable cartridges that fit in half-barrel caulking guns but is also available in aerosol cans, squeeze tubes, and ropes for small jobs or special applications.

In the extended entry I have additional tips that will help you find ways to increase your utility/energy savings. To download a comprehensive (36 page) guide of great ideas and tips, provided by The Department Energy, click on this link.
more...

Posted by: Michele at 12:15 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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