May 10, 2007
I know this child. I actually taught him for 6 months when he was in Kindergarten with my son. He had issues with the teacher before me because whenever he threw a temper tantrum they would do anything to quiet him down – she eventually quit because she couldn’t deal with his behavior (he hit the teacher a couple of times). He had temper tantrums with me only twice. Both times I carefully picked him up and placed him outside in a fenced in empty storage area in the school’s play area. Why? Because he was a danger to himself and others. Whenever he got angry (for not getting his way) he would start throwing things and hitting people. The first time he had a tantrum with me while teaching him I picked him up in the middle of the tantrum and he was in a time-out in that empty fenced in storage area for 15 min. I immediately called the mother and explained what had happened and what I did. After she said she was okay with it I invited her to sit with me and the child after school so we could discuss some discipline strategies. The second time it took only 5 minutes before he calmed down and apologized. According to his mother, he didn’t have another tantrum again. That worked well till recently, when his father and mother began the process of separation.
So last night, while in the middle of the tantrum I stopped and held onto the boys hands and asked him calmly to step inside the facility (along with the child he hurt) I got someone with first aid training to take care of the little girl and escorted the boy to the Lobby/Waiting area and spoke to him in front of my son and other parents. He was still a bit wild and yelling and thatÂ’s when I told him if he didnÂ’t calm down and stop kicking and throwing things I would take off my belt and offer it to his mother so that she could pull down his pants and use it to tan his bottom. Looking around and seeing his school friends and the parents staring at him he began to calm himself down. His mother just stood there speechless and in shock not knowing what to do.
This morning in discussing what happened with the childless/single co-worker, I told her how things ended and she asked me to stop and said, “I can’t talk to you any longer, your disciplining methods are simply barbaric.” So there you have it folks, I’m a barbarian. When I asked what she would have done? She said she simply would have talked to the kid. My response, “Oh, just like his mother. And that’s working out so well for her!” I said in a very sarcastic voice as I rolled my eyes and walked away. This from a woman who yells and throws things at her pets, and whose puppy I had to train so he would stop pooping all over the house. Yeah, she’s a roll model.
For the record, IÂ’ve never had to use the belt with my son, I have taken it out only twice in my sonÂ’s lifetime, but my stare is intimidating enough for him to immediately stop his bad behavior and apologize as he goes to the corner to put himself in time-out. The most severe punishment IÂ’ve ever had to inflict in his 7 years, is to have him kneel during a 5 min. time-out. Since then the threat of time-outs is enough to curb all wayward behavior.
That combined with some REALLY unbelievable msm news items this morning made me use some very unlady-like language. I'm glad Brian wrote about his reaction in a more gentlemanly way. Soooo, do you think I'm barbaric too?
Posted by: Michele at
08:44 AM
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March 31, 2007
Well, needless to say I have found a parenting guru and a mentor and one that will give me an upper hand when my son goes through this stage. If you have boys [or girls] you really need to read this post on one way to deal wth the condom talk with kids. Personally I would have also done the banana demonstration but that might have been going too far.
It's priceless stuff and great fun reading for a Saturday, so go read Boobs, Injuries & Dr. Pepper! Laughs are guaranteed.
Posted by: Michele at
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November 08, 2006
Needless to say it was a morning where there was little dialogue between my son and I because things had to get done & he had to help, plus he was going to vote with me for the first time. When I layed out his school uniform and asked him to get dressed he kept delaying and then tried to negotiate out of his uniform, or so I thought. I gave him my no-nonsense look with the "no back talk or negotiation" warning as we had a very tight schedule and he'd be in big trouble. Resigned he put his school uniform on, quickly ate breakfast and off we went. My first group of 9 Seniors were the first people in line. I voted quickly, though angrily, when I saw that for some offices 1 candidate was running on the Republican, Democrat, and Right to Life Party simultaneously. Where on earth is democracy there? At that moment I definitely would have voted for myself via written ballot just out of my constitutional principal, but I was on a time schedule.
On our last shuttle ride home my son said he had a request. I asked what that was and he said, "since there's no school today can I wear my regular clothes". Oh, I felt like such a heel and I apologized profusely while hugging and kissing him. Trying to push my guilt to his advantage he asked if he could also have a popsicle stick when we got home because he was thirsty from all the running around. "Sorry Mr., not a chance.!"
In the hour I hosted daycare I had a total of 12 kids. My day began to peak when a cute tiny 5yr old that I adore walked in and kept staring at me while his mom and I talked. He kept staring at me even as his mother was trying to say goodbye. Finally I squatted down to his level, and with a smile and gentle voice asked why he was staring at me so much, did he like my choker or my earings. He shook his head and finally worked it all out in his head and said to me: "You're pretty!" with such a sweet sincerity that I just had to give him a big kiss on the cheek for starting my day off right. He then ran away from me to the children's table as he wiped the kiss off his cheek. I sighed and reflected on how yet another man was running away from me.
By 10:00am I was back at my desk working like mad. On my way to the copier I passed a collegue who stopped to stare at me forcing me to look at the front of my blouse to make sure my buttons weren't open. Finally he says to me, "You look faaaantastick!" To which I asked in a sweet voice and with a slight smile on a straight face: "As opposed to the rest of the time when you don't say anything because I look like crap?" He was speechless and turning beet red. Me I was laughing on the inside because I knew my point had been brought home. He had gone over board with the exhuberance so he definitely wanted something from me which now he couldn't ask because he realized his charm didn't work on me.
At 1:30 my old boss, Mr. Global IT Director for Division 1, called me to go upto his office for a chat. It had been over a year since I had left him. I didn't really want to take another position, but leave I had to just so I could have my life back. When working for him I worked at times 18 hrs a day. While in his office we chatted for awhile about changes in the dept. structure, personnel and technology. We caught up on the global projects I had managed and on our personal lives. Then suddenly his tone changed. It was the tone that he used during my annual performance reviews, when he cleared his throat a gazillion times trying to find the right words to convey his message. While he's doing this, I'm wondering what time it is because I have to pick up my son at 3:00pm and by now I know I'll be cutting it close.
Suddenly from his mouth I hear: "I think you would be perfect for this new position in London. I'm hoping you'll consider applying for it as you'll have my full support." Then my mind starts racing with questions and objections, and I'm thinking could I raise a happy, healthy, sane child and have a normal life doing RSM's job in London. That's when my cell phone began to go off like crazy and I realized I had 5 min to get into the elevator go down 40 flights, run through the huge lobby & out into the street to pick up my son.
So as calmly as possible I interrupted him, thanked him for the offer, letting him know that I had to leave immediately to pick up my son and asked if we could continue the conversation tomorrow. Luckily my son was late which gave me a few mintues to let it all sink in: living in London, working again in IT, working for one of the best bosses I've ever had... as I sit here writing this all I can muster to think or say is... WOW. And I know the feelings will be short-lived because I don't have enough information to wrap my head around it. Still, it's like finally being asked to the prom. I was never asked to go to the prom, but if I had been asked, I bet you it would feel like this - faaaaantastic.
Anyway, I gotta go to bed. I can't think about this now 'cause I'm dog dead tired!
Posted by: Michele at
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September 25, 2006
First of all, if you need societal pressure and a friekin' day during the entire year to remind you to spend time with your family, then this entire day is wasted on you. I'm Really Sorry Tammi, but this post is aimed at those that actually need tips and conversation starters and a pledge before sitting down to dinner with their family. If you want to know how a family dinner is supposed to be, then go read Tammi's post. Afterwards, come back and continue reading.
If you need reminders that it's important for your family to sit down at the dinner table together, then you might as well give up now and decide to live with chimps because they can definitely show you what family bonding is about and you might fair better than having a tv station trying to instill values in you.
I for one don't need Hallmark or a TV station to tell me to have dinner with my son or to declare for me its a "Family day". Nope, in fact I'm rather insulted. I took my obligation as a parent so seriously when I became pregnant that I left a job that I absolutely loved so that I could provide for all of my son's needs: physical, emotional and spiritual. Since then, all my choices, both professional and social, have been about not what's best for me, but what's best for my son and I as a family. Sacrifices, like challenges and successes are all shared.
Everyone who comes through our door to stay for any length of time gets enfolded into our small family circle. As a result, they're made a part of our weekly family meetings and outings. The same rules and adherence to values apply for everyone who enters our home. These values and rules are visibly posted for all to see. They are our life guidelines and rules for family cohesion. Before anyone comes to visit I email them our life guidelines and let them know that if they stay with us they will be expected to abide by them. The same discipline rules that apply to my son apply to me, and anyone visiting (no matter the age). I was forced one day to ask my sister to leave my house and not return until her thinking, mouth, hands and attitude were in spiritual agreement with those guidelines. She has never returned, instead she chooses to be a disruptive, destructive and negative influence everywhere she goes.
I am a caring, patient and loving individual, but there are some basic courtesies that in my book ALWAYS NEED TO BE OBSERVED: It begins and ends with respect and tolerance of others.
That being said, lets say there is a family who will actually listen to those tv execs and instead of flippinÂ’ the channel to look at something else will actually have dinner together for the first time. What is the likelihood that theyÂ’ll do it later on in the week or perhaps the following week. Wanna Guess? IÂ’ll spare your neurons and tell you. The sad reality is that statistically if youÂ’re not doing it now, you wonÂ’t. ThatÂ’s right, and no amount of feel good commercials or TV campaigns will make a difference.
So, when your kid is hauled off to jail, or your son is found strung out with a needle in his arm, or humiliating and compromising pictures of your daughter are found on the internet for all to see, donÂ’t look to the courts, the state, the schools, your family or spouse to blame or seek help from, because at that point, itÂ’ll be too damn late! The time you should have tried to spend and guide them is from the beginning. The time you should have made so they donÂ’t wind up in jail or feeling worthless is when theyÂ’re 3 and beginning to develop an understanding between right and wrong and the consequences of their actions. If you think that a little dinner once or twice a year is going to make up for the weeks and months of neglect, or the need for mentors like me, then I suggest you should take a good look at your kids now because youÂ’ve already failed themÂ… big time.
So with that awareness, if you choose to turn off the tv, I suggest you consider, after the dinner and perhaps a board game, if you enjoyed each otherÂ’s company you make a concrete plan on a family plan of how youÂ’re going to do family time consistently a couple of times a week and discuss what core values your family is going to live by. Because being hopeful or occasionally loving, a board game and a few dinners will never be enough to keep a family together.
Posted by: Michele at
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July 06, 2005
So at age 3 and a half, I composed a list of what were his responsibilities (like putting toys away, brushing his teeth, putting dirty clothes in the hamper). So that he could remember and get used to things he needed to do to be responsible for himself. Then a few weeks later I introduced the concept of rewards, like ice cream for dessert (we normally didn't have dessert back then) for his extra help around the house like setting the table. After 2 months I introduced the concept of receiving money or an allowance for chores he would agree to do that were outside of his area of personal responsibilities. I also explained and showed him what doing a good job was and how if it was done well he would get a full allowance.
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June 05, 2005
Anyway, by the end of the evening we were pretty much split up into 2 groups: the creative and the normies. One thing that did bind us all together is our desire to continuously improve our relationships with the children in our lives, whether son/daughters or nieces/nephews.
Well, as I promised last night, here's the links to the posts of other bloggers I talked about, and to what some of you saw/judged as my controversial family and house rules.
As I said during our heated discussion: "my family and house rules are guided by my personal values" and should be viewed as such. They were wonderfully for me as these are the only rules my son has known. Hope they helps those that care to read them!
- My House and Family Rules
- Penseur's post: The Girl Child cannot clarify
- Penseur's post: Girl Child conversations
- Boudica's post: Like Mother Like Son
- Boudica's post: Am I Sheltering Too Much?
- Custos Honor's post: Kids and the Media
Posted by: Michele at
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December 05, 2004
1. We follow the 10 Commandments. Especially the commandments about not lying/cheating, envying/jelousy, and disrespecting parents/elders.
2. We love, honor, respect and pray for each another.
3. We tell the truth always.
4. We consider one another's interests ahead of our own.
5. We speak quietly and respectfully with one another.
6. We do not hurt one another with unkind words or actions.
7. When someone needs correction, we correct him in love.
8. When someone is sorry, we forgive him.
9. When someone is sad, we comfort him.
10. When someone is happy, we rejoice with him.
11. When we have something nice to share, we share it.
12. When we have work to do, we do it without complaining.
13. We take good care of everything God has given us.
14. We do not create unnecessary work for others.
15. When we go out, we act just as if we were in this house or church.
16. When we disobey or forget any of our family or rules of this house, we accept the discipline of our parents and elders.
Because my son's social filter is still not fully operational at age 5, his total honesty, under Rule #3, has gotten me into trouble a few times. Sigh! All I can do is smile, bite the bullet, and apologize for his rudeness. Once he went so far as to say "Excuse me mommy but I wasn't being rude, I was being truthful." Five years old and already dealing in semantics.
House Rules: In This Place:
1. We walk calmly from room to room and do not run, jump, skip, hop, or throw things around.
2. We go to speak directly to a person in the room they are in, instead of yelling at them.
3. We do the chores that are assigned to us daily as soon as we can.
4. We respect everyoneÂ’s property and pets, and touch things that donÂ’t belong to us ONLY when we are given permission.
5. When called we answer “Yes” and go to the person directly.
6. We let otherÂ’s know how we are feeling and let them know if we are: upset, unhappy, sad, frustrated or angry. No one understands silence or frowns.
7. We write or draw only on paper or art materials.
8. When we open something, we close it.
9. When we turn something on, we turn it off.
10. When we take something out, we put it away as soon as weÂ’re done.
11. When we make a mess, we clean it up.
12. When we don't know what to do, or if we need help, we ask a grown-up we know for help.
Posted by: Michele at
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