1 I don't know what to say...children are so loving and forgiving. My prayers are with you for a happy resolution to this situation.

2 Wow - it's amazing how simple and pure a child's wants can be. To be loved. Having been adopted, I understand the void that your son feels. Please, please always reinforce him - make sure he knows he's not 'defective' or 'bad' in some way that caused his father to leave... That feeling was always in the back of my mind growing up. To a child, 'what else could make my parent not love me?' Hugs and prayers for you both. I hope your son one day finds the peace and acceptance he needs. God Bless... 0:-)

3 A father-child bond isn't necessarily a biological one. In fact, one like I have with Julie's kids is stronger in some ways because they know I've chosen to love them, just as they have me. There is no "obligation" of parenthood. (I don't mean that in a negative way.) It's just love. So, I recommend adjusting your prayer that he / you find someone who will be a father to him, if that is in his (and your) best interest.

4 On the squirrels... much as I don't want to burst his bubble... no squirrels. City dwellers think they're cute fuzzy little things. They are actually rats with large furry tails. They are destructive and they will throw things at you from up in the trees. They eat house siding, gnaw on wood (not to mention just about anything else they can sink their teeth into) and generally are huge pests. BTW - you can plant maples (silver maples grow fastest) - which grow quickly and produce those really neat whirly-gig type seeds - as kids we called them helicopters. Oaks are VERY slow growing and their acorns are a PITA to clean up. *grin* As for his wish about his father - I think _Jon has said it best and I can't add a thing to it. I hope that one day he gets his biggest wish - maybe in a better way than he anticipates right now.

5 What a precious young man you have there!

6 Wow. What a wonderful idea. I am glad he is participating and I hope that his dream comes true in the best way for him. Whether it is his biological dad or some male in his life that loves him as a father.

7 Aw, damn. Putting it out there for your son, Michele. I hope the universe is able to connect with his father.

1 A ranch or multi-level is really a preference. I have lived in both and it didn't really matter much to me, although our next house will be a ranch due to old age. The MOST IMPORTANT things to look for are not cosmetic, it's what is underneath those walls, ceilings, etc that matters most. You want something with newer furnace, roof. You need good windows, no leaks (water and wind leaks will kill you). Maybe some E glass windows. Alaso make sure the windows were hung square (this will cause leaks) Above the standard insulation, although you could add more. No leaks in roof, the newer furnance should be an energy saver. No cracks in the foundation, or basement or cement. Wiring up to code and pipes up to code. Have a very good company do an inspection and have some good friends (several)"who know" go through the house also and look for things you might now notice (the more eyes the better). It's the things you don't see that will kill you financially. The house Mr Weenie bought just before we married was a mess because the owner before thought he was a Mr Fix-it but wasn't. All his repairs were half-assed and we still wonder how the house didn't burn down before we fixed the stuff. (example, rubber house for a gas line to the fireplace because he could get the rubber hose from work for free). Make sure your wiring is the correct gage. They probably have some good books out there that you should read for things to check and look for. For comestic, a first floor or second floor laundry is heaven, pure heaven. Oh, if it has a finished basement see who did it, the owner or company. There could be a lot of non-code things if the owner did it. Also ask the history of the house, no fires, floods, etc. Know the flooding history as that could bite you if the basement floods alot. Also make sure nothing creepy happened in the house, unless your ok with that. No problems with fixtures, faucets, toliets, showers, tubs, etc.

2 Gosh, Michele, what I would look for in a home here in Florida is probably not at all what I would look for in a home up North. For instance, we learned a lot during the 2004 hurricane season, and it definitely altered what we were looking for when we bought our house after the 3rd hurricane hit. Not applicable in New York, I imagine! We love to cook, so the kitchen was very important. Also, while we have a very understanding marriage, it was very important to both of us to have a water closet in the master bathroom (toilet in it's own closet) so that we can be in there with the door closed and not worry about the other one coming in to wash their hands and being offended by the stench! I don't know how it is where you're at. But we went to a lot of new communities and walked through model homes to get an idea of features we were looking for. We poured over floor plans picking out things we liked and didn't like. Heh. If you suddenly win the lottery ("the NY lotto, hey, you never know!"), I work for a high end residential design firm. We'll happily design your dream home! Good luck, honey!

3 I personally looooove a multi-level home. IMO you have the perception of much more space. Good luck househunting! :-)

4 Okay, things to look for in a home of your own. A few things to ponder. I have lived in both. QW has hit the high points on structural issues. I will strongly second this one: stay FAR away from someone who has done their own home additions unless you know for sure they really knew their job. Our last house was from a "Mr. Fixit" and we spent 10 years fixing his mistakes... it's very expensive. And - the flooding issue is a BIG one - do you have to deal with a sump in the basement? Don't neglect to find out about water problems - our last house was also a flood problem - hugely expensive to fix... Ranch - no stairs - unless there is a basement. Which means you don't have to haul a vacuum cleaner and cleaning supplies up and down those stairs. (trust me - unless you have someone come clean your house for you... this is a big consideration). Two story - better separation of bedroom/public areas. The other thing to consider is how "open" is the house? Most houses built in the last 15 years are "too open" - at least for me - even 2 stories. It's good to have somewhere you can get away by yourself. That may not even be the Master Bedroom if that room opens off the Family Room (this is a setup I've seen in some houses... UCK) or if the bedrooms are upstairs and the balcony is open to the family room. Your son is young now - but when he's a teen and has friends over - noise is definitely something to think about. (unless you plan on hanging out all the time with him and his friends - something I don't recommend - LOL) A ranch tends to be "louder" because it's only one floor, unless there are walls and turns in hallways to dampen sound. You will notice I'm big on "having your own space". That's because I grew up without that luxury - even though we were always in houses and not apartments. The house doesn't have to be big to have separate spaces, it just has to be laid out right. Also, what are the floors like. Lots of people go for light color floors - either rugs or tile. You have a son - which means he'll be tracking in lots of dirt all the time. If you get a dog, the dog will track in dirt. So, what's it like around the entries and exits - easy to take off coats, boots, etc? Enough space to wipe down a dog before it dashes through the house? Heating and cooling... heat rises. In the summer - a second floor gets very warm. In winter a second floor generally stays warmer. If you're okay with sleeping in a warmer room - this shouldn't be an issue. But if you need it to be cold in the room to sleep - this will be a problem in the summer - high electric bills for a/c. I realize this is a hodge-podge. Let me think about it a bit more and see if anything else comes to mind.

5 Ranch would be my preference, especially now that my wife has difficulties with stairs. That said, a ranch-style will have more roof to deal with when the time comes to have it replaced. I resoundingly second that suggestion to have a quality inspection done on the entire home. One thing I've learned to look at (next time) is where the house sits on the street. We live at the low end of a cul-de-sac and all rain and snow runoff drains towards us. Usually not a biggie, but if the street is wet from that and the temperature dips overnight, then we have to deal with an icy street in the morning. The steepness of the driveway or entrance steps matters during the winter too.

6 You should really focus on the big things. The things that should last for decades and cost a fortune to repair/replace. The roof, the foundation, the heating and cooling, the plumbing. If it's an older house have someone check out the wiring, Four our next home purchase we are considering a ranch. My wife has serious back problem and live without stairs would be a good thing for her. The other biggie for me is storage. There has to be enough space to put things away so you're not living in clutter. That said, I happen to know of a lovely multi-level home with lots of great features that is going on the market soon if you're interested in moving to CT!!!!!

7 Well, everyone else seems to have covered the basics. So, I'll just tell you some of the things I would want in a house. Two floors, a large kitchen with two ovens, stone pillars outside, French doors inside, 10-foot ceilings, a fireplace or two, three bathrooms, a large deep bathtub, washer-dryer on the first floor rather than in the basement, stained glass windows above the doorways and large windows, pocket doors, a spiral staircase, a fire pole from the 2nd floor to 1st, swinging bookcases to secret passageways, a recording studio, a grand piano in the living room, a wood-burning brick pizza oven, a drawbridge and a moat. Oh, and velvet drapes and a chessboard table. And central air conditioning.

8 "Above the standard insulation, although you could add more." Not sure what this is supposed to mean but it bears mentioning that adding more insulation can be counterproductive. If you are referring to insulation batts in your wall spaces in particular. Adding more than is rated for your walls reduces the efficiency of the insulation when it is over-compressed. Lots of great info there, however QW. I would go with a single-level home, smaller yard. Everyone else seems to have covered most everything.

9 Ranch. Crawlspace or basement. Forced air furnace with Central AC (no "heat pump"). Circuit breakers (vs fusebox) with at least 100 amp, prefer 200 amp service (depends on local). Gas hot water heater, 40-60 gallon. Gas hookup for clothes dryer. Gas stove / oven. Hardwood floors. 9' ceilings. Attached 2 car garage. Laundry room on main floor. 1.5+ bathrooms Enough yard that you cannot hear your neighbor sneeze, cough, laugh, or fart. Plan on hiring someone for yard work - at least $100 per month. ---

10 I think everyone covered the basic issues except for meeting the neighbors and talking to them about the house, owners, quality of schools, quality of town services. We have a Cape and although I LOVE my house, I really wish it were a ranch now. Hauling kids laundry up and down stairs can be a pain. I also wish we had a mud room. I can't tell you how much of the great outdoors comes in for a visit on a daily basis. )

11 wow. Little late, so here are some things I looked for inside the house: 1. The vent over the stove went OUTSIDE. Most of them seem to put it right back in kitchen. I burn stuff and don't want it blown right back at me. 2. Outlets. How many are outside? If you like to put out Christmas lights, this can be an issue. Unless you have security lights you can unscrew and use. Ohh.. security lights... do they have any on the outside easy to turn on when necessary? More on outlets... inside... do they have any down the hallway. It was a pain having to move the plug everytime I changed rooms. 3. Porches. Front or back... doesn't matter... but does it have a wide enough roof to allow the kids to play when it is raining outside? 4. Rounded corners on the walls inside. If it is a newer house, check to see if they made the corners on the walls rounded. Much less pain when you run into them. 5. Attic access... where is it... easy to get to? Finished inside already? Light available? 6. Laundry room... mentioned already, but if it is on the first floor... would there be room for a sink? I finally have a house with a sink next to my laundry and it is the greatest treat for me. Particularly if the boys throw up or have 'accidents'. 7. Closet space near bathrooms. It is interesting when you don't have a closet near a bathroom. 8. Pantry or lots of room for storing food. Loving to cook, it was really nice getting a pantry so that food went there and my pots and pans were in my kitchen cabinets 9. Wood versus Tile. I love my wood floors. I lived on Tile for years... Florida people seem to prefer tile. But it is hard on your back and feet if you like to go barefooted. Particularly if you are standing in the kitchen a lot to cook. And I love being in the kitchen. 10. Self cleaning oven. Definitely a nice extra. Ok, that's enough. Good luck!

12 Okay, a few thoughts. Multi-story: advantages are that you can get more square footage (room) for the same land footprint, and can make more advantageous use of space. Separation means that guests don't have to see your actual living area if they visit, and you can "escape" upstairs to get away from things downstairs (i.e. maintain your space without denying others theirs. Disadvantage: Can be harder to heat with houses more than 50 years old, depending on how the home was built (upstairs can get cold/hot much more easily); can make roofing fun; and, if you have or develop mobility issues then getting upstairs/downstairs can be problematic. One neutral: most multi-story have a basement, which I see as a plus (storage, playrooms, storm shelter, etc.) but not all do. Ranch: everything is one one level, so no mobility issues (but check to see if built for wheelchair and such, some older have very narrow doors and halls), usually easy to heat/cool, and you can add on by going out or up. Usually a smaller square footage, and you need to check construction to see how easy it is to fix, repair, replace. What I consider a disadvantage is that many ranch are built on slab, which means little or no crawl space, which can make getting to or repairing things low or under a real pain. Also, no basement or such for shelter (and no storage in either crawl space or basement). Ultimately, there are advantages and disadvantages to each but many are in the eye of the beholder. What is truly important is: Wiring: Is it done right, in good shape, and meeting of all local codes. If the wiring is aluminum and more than 10 or so years old, that is something you really need to investigate as aluminum or mixed wiring done starting in the late 50's and on through the 70's can have some rather severe problems. Most of those houses are either fixed or burned down now, but check. More recent aluminum wiring jobs are not an issue (though I am still biased towards copper). Also, check to see what type main panel/service you have. It should be a 200 amp service to meet the modern lifestyle and give room to grow. Make sure the inspector you hire to check the house removes the front plate of said service -- you would be amazed at what bad things you find that way (I found where water had come into the service that came with the house I bought) and it can and will change price and such. Roof: Roof should be fairly new (less than 20, best yet newer than that pref. within 10), in good shape, good shingles, single layer of roof. If more than two layers, it needs to be replaced. If shingles are dry, cracking, or showing other signs of wear, it needs to be replaced. If you see any signs of seepage or leaks, or the rafters and such have a high moisture content (housing inspector you hire should have a meter for checking, then roof most likely needs to be replaced. It may also need ridge vent and other ventilation, but a good inspector can verify that. If it needs a new roof, check the contractors out very, very, thoroughly, get multiple bids, inspect the work, and get a multi-year warranty. Contractor needs to be licensed, bonded, and more. Do not let either seller or yourself sign any roofing contract calling for arbitration or such. Oh, and where you live you will need ice barrier in the valleys, flashing around all dormer windows and anything poking up through the roof, good drip edging, etc. Insulation: older houses may have it in the roofs, but not in the walls. Check that, and see how any siding was put on. Ideally, there should be tyvek or similar wrap around the house, high-density foam (not white styro), maybe another wrap (depending how who does and how, then insulated siding. Check to be sure all doors and windows are not just in square, but have been properly sealed in, are double pane and have good weather seal, and are set for storm or related windows and screens. Attic insulation needs to be thick and good where you live. Plumbing: How old is it and is it in good shape? Metal is good, with all copper being very good, if it is in good shape. Modern plastic pipe can be excellent, but if it is older plastic find out what material was used. Some of the early stuff turns out to have issues and a limited lifespan... While returns don't need this, check and see if any of the pipes taking water to sinks and such are insulated. If not, not a big issue but look at insulating them if at all possible. It can save a nice amount over the long run. Whatever plumbing you have, look to the building stores for classes in how to repair, add, etc. that are often done for cheap or for free. They also do classes on wiring and other repairs... Heating/Cooling: You want a modern, efficient system. If it more than 15 years old, beware as those systems have only about a 20-30 year lifespan. Also, see if your inspector can see if it is the best rating for the size house you have. One that is too much (too many BTU's/tons of air) is just as bad as having one that is not large enough for the job. Have a reliable company inspect the furnace and AC in addition to the inspector for the rest of the house, as many inspectors don't/won't inspect those systems. Make sure it is the most efficient unit on both sides of the HVAC equation; and, if it needs replacement, look to see what type of geothermal and such might be available and if you can get the seller to buy in. Housing Inspector: The best money you can and will spend in buying a home. Get a good one who is thorough, and insist that all areas be cleared for inspection as needed. If they identify a potential problem with any of the areas above, get an expert in from those areas to check, verify, and certify. I had a good one, a very good one, and even he missed a few things. That said, he caught things that the seller's inspector had missed (glaring things too) when they had purchased the home. This should not be more than a few hundred (not over $400), but is critical. So, research, check references (decided on mine based on what people who had used them said as well as other checks), and go with them on the inspection. Oh, and if the home has a basement, check the walls for bowing, seepage, leaks, etc. Check to be sure beams are not bowing (many older homes require steel posts and beams to deal with this). Check to be sure sump pump is clear and operating. Look for signs of mold, mildew, etc. as they indicate real problems.

13 .. indoor plumbing is a must these days....

14 I agree with Eric...electricity helps too.

15 Think about your property taxes too. For some reason, Ranch style homes tend to be a tad pricier with the property taxes. By the way that picture is lovely! In a multilevel house (which I love for the separation of public/private) make sure there was no flooding in the upstairs bathrooms too. Don't want to come through the floor while in the tub! Make sure the stairs are not too narrow - makes getting furniture in a pain. Lastly, make sure there is a bathroom on the lower floor. Beats running up the steps every time you have to pee. . . Good luck!

16 It's been mentioned several times, but YES, a good building inspector is worth. every. penny. We had one that had the selling realtor groaning because she knew how thorough he would be!! Better a few hundred dollars now than thousands for repairs when you can't back out. And be sure to check out the school district you'd be in, being sure to check the high school if you will be pursuing public education for your son. A 'perfect' house won't make up for a sucky educational situation.

17 All of the above are good ideas. But seriously, if you give Cappy grief over Unix, you need a ranch. Badly. While awking and grepping the night away a zillion little damn maintenance jobs pile up, and it's always worse on houses with a lot of gingerbread. Just be sure if you get a ranch in a snowy climate that it doesn't have a flat roof.

18 You guys are simply AWESOME! Thank you so very much for all your great suggestions. I will be printing them out and putting them in my notebook. Again, THANK YOU!

19 Finally, know your math. When we purchased our home, the lot was advertised at 1.5 acres, and gave the frontage length and one side of the lot as dimensions (e.g., 340' x 195') which would be accurate if the lot were rectangular. However, the plot showed that the lot was actually triangle-shaped, and using a little high-school geometry, we recognized that there was only .75 acre of land - still 50% larger than the rest of the subdivision's half-acre lots and all the more impressive because of its huge frontage and being backed by woods that promise to remain 'undeveloped' for some time... We prepared to go a few rounds of 'hardball' and bid *very low*, pointing his math error out. The seller was so embarrassed and apologetic, he accepted our initial bid, which probably saved us *at least* $10k under what would have been a fair negotiated price for the property!! (See kids, memorizing all those stupid formulas really DOES pay off later in life!!)

20 I love multi level but make sure you can have all of your main functioning on one of the levels... you know... foot/knee problems, etc. You can retreat to one floor if necessary. As to other things, well, a log cabin for me. Lots of trees. A few less crows attacking the cabin every morning. A waterfall or moat. A laboratory, a much bigger library with secret panels that lead to secret corridors, an escape route, motion sensors around the property that detect the heat signatures of humans so they can distinguish between the long-pig and other animals, an outdoor fireplace with cooking grill, a huge kitchen with a eating area next to another stone fireplace, solar panels and a turbine in the water feature so when things go bad I can live just fine for weeks or months off the grid, a media room so I can hide all my technology stuff and have one place to watch old black and white movies on a big screen, vaulted ceilings (I love mine) in the living room, reading nooks all over the place, an apartment like area with its own kitchen and entrance in case my mother wants/needs to come stay or a soldier needs a place for a short while, and most importantly, several comfy bedrooms that are unusually peaceful and quiet so my friends can have a place where they know they can retreat and can feel comfortable bringing their children. Not that I think about this stuff...