February 26, 2007
“Great, you’re on your way. You already know how to develop the list, so I want to see the completed list in 2 weeks time.” Personally, I love deadlines because it makes things concrete and focused. So, I left there jazzed and with lots of ideas and things to write in my journal. I also decided that it was time to help my son learn some of these things that others have taught me so I decided to begin by resurrecting my “Dream or Vision Board”. So on my way home I picked up 2 poster boards (one for him and one for me), so we could brainstorm this weekend on what we wanted.
Later I walked in to do volunteer work at my son's after-school program and got greeted by a whole bunch of kids running up to me, as a group, calling saying "Mom, I Love You" as they hugged me tight. It was a great feeling to be welcomed that way. I had always wanted a big family and this was certainly one way to get it!
On Saturday morning things started to change with exposure to some negative individuals. Chief among them was my Orthopedist that kept trying to make me focus on the negative and the impossibilities - the things I'll never be able to do – so he thinks. Me, I don't believe in impossibilities. I only believe and focus on creating and manifesting POSSIBILITIES in my life and body! Still, naysayers were everywhere. Including one woman who I was scheduled to have coffee with and all I could see and hear was how jealous she was of others lives. She was especially angry that her boss was getting married and that she hadn’t dated anyone in over a year. The chef coming out to flirt with me only made matters worse and she proceeded to take out her anger by criticizing me. I made a mental note to avoid her for awhile.
By Sunday morning I had had my fill of negativity and I resolved to only take positive actions and think positive thoughts. It took me all day, but now at 1:00am I finally have a solid smile on my face and a very positive spirit. Part of what helped me was writing a very long list of the things I’m grateful for in my life. The other thing was doing my first draft of my “Dream/Goal List”. Now, I’m going off to bed happy as a clam and looking forward to my first day back at work, being able to say hello to everyone and catching up!
So, Happy Monday EveryoneÂ… hope itÂ’s a great week for you too! And if you need something inspirational to look at, I give you these pretty pictures posted over at The Lemon Stand.
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) It may take some time, but I am ever patient...December 14, 2006
Yep, that'll be me today... oh joy!
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Hang in there, and I hope they do right by you. December 11, 2006
I guess I never think to write about those “fabulous” moments because I reserve them for my journal, where I also include my thanks for them adressed to God. If I have the time, I also reflect on the impact it has had on my life. I’ve been so busy that I haven’t had the chance to write it in my journal so I’m going to share it with you all.
A few months back I was asked by someone in my firm to donate a picture which hung outside our conference room for a small charity auction benefiting the Tsunami survivors in Sri Lanka. He had seen the picture hanging on the wall outside our conference room and thought it would be a great piece to add to that show. After having done my due diligence to determine if the organization met my fiscal and social causes criteria I agreed to give them the photograph, and to make it truly unique I agreed to also give them the negative, making the photo a one of a kind.
When I received the invitation to attend I declined, as I normally donÂ’t go to evening events, prefering instead to be home with my son reading him a story and tucking him in bed at night. Well, the organizers didnÂ’t like that and began a shmoozing campaign that drove me nuts. I finally agreed to go but told them I would only stay until 8:00pm.
I show up to the event thinking it’s this nice small charity thing and I find myself in a professional gallery with close to 200 people. As I looked around I saw incredible artwork in all mediums and amongst them is my photograph. I was dumbfounded. Later, during the auction I was absolutely speechless when I was introduced by the host using some incredible adjectives when referring to my talent, followed by the words “professional debut”. I didn’t hear anything beyond those words as I was trying to figure out what that really meant to me.. Later a work colleague told me that someone had paid $450 for my photo. That too was amazing, because whenever I take a picture it‘s for my own personal pleasure. I post a few pictures on my Postcards site because I ultimately want to share them with you.
On the ride home that night I thought how nice it was to be amongst other artists, talking the creative talk, and receiving appreciation and validation for my artistic expression. But to me taking pictures is simply one of the many artistic things I’ve loved to do since I was a kid. In looking back I have received awards in different amateur competitions for: photography, videography, short stories, poetry, and singing… Suddenly, as the car wound up onto the bridge, leaving Manhattan behind us, I finally realized I was actually living the life I had always dreamed of – an artist’s life. All my life I have struggled to get to a place where I would have a little bit of time for my creative expression, only to have my many responsibilities thwart those efforts. I’ve been so good at carving out small chunks of time whenever I could, that I didn’t realize I was living the life I always wanted. Funny how it took one simple photograph and blog prompt to make me realize that.
Oh, and just because you haven't seen my name in your comment box doesn't mean I haven't been reading you! I have, but since I'm sitting in meetings reading I really can't start tapping away on my phone otherwise they'll know I'm not really paying attention. But soon, prepare for the onslaught of comments that I sometimes do to help boost your rankings and to let you know my thoughts when I read your posts. Some of your stuff really makes a dull or dreary day better, like when the side effects from my chemo is kicking my butt. At those times you especially come in handy because as I'm sitting on the john sideways, leaning my back against the side wall, waiting for my nausea to subside and praying my lunch stays down, I read you guys! I read you as a distraction so I can focus on you rather than how I'm feeling; I read you for laughs; to know what's going on in your lives; and just to appreciate the special people that you are in my life!
So thank you from the bottom of my heart for being who you are - Amazing Individuals - and for sharing of yourselves! God bless you all!
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November 23, 2006
Thank you for stopping by and reading as regularly as you do, for as a budding writer you have helped my craft by simply being there and inspiring me.
Thank you for commenting and leaving supportive and funny messages, for they have helped me heal from my wounds and losses.
Thank you for continuing to extend yourselves in friendship, you have made my life less isolated and happier.
But most importantly, thank you for caring. You have all been a blessings onto me, and I do thank God for you every day.
And a special thank you to all the men and women who sacrifice much to keep our country safe. You have my eternal gratitude and prayers for a safe return back home!
May your day be filled with the love of family and friends, may you experience joy in the simple moments and may your spirits be brimming with peace and harmony during this holiday season!
A few of you know that in addition to my lust for all things penguin I also have a midget thing. For those of you who are interested in a little midget humor... I give you this.
And here's a little something to share with you:
You Are The Stuffing |
 You're complicated and complex, yet all your pieces fit together. People miss you if you're gone - but they're not sure why. |
Hat tip to our village Ogre
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November 04, 2006
In the summer of 2001, my friends and I had, as usual, planned our entire winter. After running and completing the grueling 26 mile run of the NYC Marathon we would celebrate together by giving thanks during a long Thanksgiving weeked at an Amish inn that was also a working farm.
As you know they never made it, and till now I haven't either. But for some reason I woke up this morning hoping to do something special that weekend for my son and me. So, hopefully it'll come to be.
But for today, I'll point you to where you can find a bit of fun & silliness.
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September 13, 2006
In reading your exploits IÂ’ve often thought you lead the life I wish I had. It's a familiar feeling and one I've not had for a very long time. When I was young I often got in trouble for my dangerous exploits and tomboy ways. In truth, I was craving the enormous freedom and swaggering independence of all the boys I knew. This past week my envy surfaced intensely. It left me searching for an explanation as to why, of all my correspondents, I have such a reaction to you. What makes matters worse is that in spite of my reaction I'm very drawn to your letters. I return time and again to re-live those moments which may be insignificant to you, but bring me so much closer to where I wish I could be. In doing so I feel the little green monster grow within me without warning.
After much reflection, I've realized tonight that its not so much your life that I envy, but rather you. In other words, I wish more that I were a man like you living your life, than a woman like me living mine. As a woman's life goes I really do enjoy mine, but when comparing mine to yours, my life pales in comparison. When it began happening I asked myself if it might be a matter of “your grass being greener”.
Simply put, my life would be radically different if I were you, than most of the men I know. For one thing, I believe I wouldnÂ’t be enduring as much emotional pain as I have these past few days. My blog brother Eric, spoke of the feeling of helplessness one of my posts conveyed last week. In reading that I realized he put his finger on my woundÂ… and it was a deep one, based on the level of pain I felt. I've been wanting to do something to strike back at those that harmed my loved ones in 2001 and caused fear to enter the hearts of my co-workers in 1993.
One thingÂ’s for sure, if I were a man I definitely wouldÂ’ve had the opportunity of making different choices. I definitely would have taken more risks and liberties than would be considered (by my standards) good for a woman. I'd probably be more like your brothers in arms stationed at the front, protecting our country and exacting justice for what was done to my beloved friends and city. There are times I so desperately want to be there.
But the truth is painfully obvious, I can never be there, I will never be you. So instead, I live vicariously through you... through your stories, your shared anecdotes, and your unexpressed heartfelt thoughts that linger silently between the lines and which often leap silently and eloquently off your page.
I wish I could go on those hikes with you and your men. I wish I could be a man like you, who rights the wrongs with much conviction and without hesitation. But IÂ’m not. I am a woman. A woman constrained by the expectations and mores of society, who's restrained by height and muscle mass and trapped by my gender.
So instead of being there with you and your men, I will be here, waiting. Waiting and enduring nasty emails from women too weak of character to write openly and from men using their manhood to intimidate covertly. And while I wait, IÂ’ll continue to wish and hope. Hope that through your strength and courage IÂ’ll somehow regain my own strength that was lost with the death of the incredible men in my life.
I'll simply wait... it's something that as a woman I was trained to do well. Being disempowered for now all I can do is wait. So I wait, for jealousy to rise once again, and with I take a step toward a deeper and braver existence.
Thank you for sharing your journey with me and in so doing taking me on such wonderful adventures.
m/
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September 07, 2006
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May 31, 2005
This is the song that kept going through my head as the mammogram technician kept trying to coax me to relax. She calibrated that machine to squish my boobies till they were almost abnormally flat!
The second thought that came to mind, which I shared with the technician: If men had their genitalia squeezed to within an inch of passing out, I bet there would be an NSF grant issued immediately, luring the best scientific minds to develop a better diagnostic machine that wouldn't require squishing their genitalia or that would cause them pain in any way.
I'm willing to bet big money that it was a sadistic man that designed this machine, with the thought that if we could endure 18 hrs of labor we could endure the 15 minutes it takes for our boobies to be painfully squished and filmed!
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May 07, 2005
I went back to the book store yestserday and bought another "perfect journal" because I can't be without one, but I haven't been able to write in it. I guess in time I will but not today.
My sister called inviting me out for a Mother's Day dinner tonight, but when I explained how I had lost you guys she quickly asked how I was feeling and decided to reschedule.
She said something that really suprised me: "I know how much your journals mean to you. My first memory ever was watching you from my crib as you wrote for what seemed like forever in your diary. I know they're what help you live fully. Some people eat, others exercise, you write in order to fully experience life and live." Yes, that's it, she gets me.
I have many unpublished posts in my blog as a result of not being able to fully capture an idea or feeling. On occassion I've gone back and have managed to finish them. Where ever I go, I usually have 1 journal in my bag with a pen at the ready. When inspiration or the mood hits me, I write while standing, sitting and on a few occassions, when I've heard some perfect dialogue, I've written while walking. That's when my journal becomes my quote book.
Writing this has helped me feel somewhat better. Eventually I'll see what the lesson in all this is, for today I'll just work on improving my spirits.
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May 06, 2005
We were in the foothills of the Andean mountains one day, and the next found ourselves in the hot dusty plains of Southern Italy. I barely had been given enough time to adjust to the time change, let alone understand the language, when I was enrolled and sent off to a new school. It was then that I found you. You gave me a safe place and an open space where I could pour out all my struggles and feelings, and express myself without being told that I had to be more stoic or more grateful for all the things I had.
Through your steady and ever present companionship you became my friend, confidante and confessor all rolled into one. As my friend, you listened attentively and contemplatively without being critical. You were patient in accepting self-indulgent and selfish thoughts that were sometimes repeated ‘ad nauseam’ and without variation.
As my confidante, you secretly and quietly accepted all of my secrets and those of my friends, without once betraying my heart or revealing their source. As such, you became a faithful guardian of everything I held near and dear to me. There was an unbroken trust and a close bond between us that I could always rely on, even when others let me down.
As my confessor, you were open to receive all my confessions and recriminations without judgment. You purposely created a quiet sanctuary, enabling me to confess, become penitent and reform in time to learn from my mistakes. The reformation of my soul occurred as a direct result of having an environment where reflection within your pages was the key to my transformation.
more...
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September 24, 2004
My day started off with someone running down the subway platform, knocking the Latte out of my hand and not even stopping to apologize for their actions. It went downhill from there.
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I loathe rude people....98 queries taking 0.0986 seconds, 254 records returned.
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