October 18, 2005
Dialogue
After sitting silently watching the moon cross the sky for hours, she finally turns and absentmindedly shifts her gaze back to the blank computer screen before her. “Where are you? Where have you gone?” She whispers sweetly into the air, sighing a deep wistful sigh full of longing. She turns to look out the window once again.
“You know I’ve not gone far. In fact, I’ve been nearby all along. It’s you who’s been so busy and so preoccupied that you’ve left me out in the cold with no room for me.”
“That’s not true! I sit here every night hoping you’ll visit, waiting for a word from you that will fill my soul, and what do I get? Nothing… silence.” She paused and took a few deep breaths to gather her courage. Courage that would finally let her speak the truth and shatter the fragile icy lies between them, “We’ve become estranged you and I. It used to be that the sound of your whisper at my ear would inspire my soul to write sublime poetry. It used to be, that I would wake up from a deep sleep with a big smile and an impassioned soul that could fill a thousand pages in my diary. And in those moments, I would have complete songs or poems emerge from me, all inspired by my dreams and thoughts of you. But that’s no more... you’ve slowly taken it all away from me with each absence."
“But I’m here now. Doesn’t that count?”
“Yes, you’re here, but you’re not giving me anything I can hold onto or believe in. Yes, you’re here now, but in a sense you’re not, because you keep looking at your watch and fidgeting, hoping this conversation will end soon so you can be gone once again.”
“I never promised you anything… I never said I’d stay. I…”
“I never asked for anything either. It was you who came back into my life, insisting on being a part of it. It was you who sweetly worked your magic into my heart and mind, with your tender "baby's and sweatheart's" sweeping me off my feet and filling my soul with passion for months on end. You were always there, never leaving my side. Now you're almost never there and each time you leave you stay away longer, leaving me empty, barren, a wasteland... leaving me wanting you all the more with each absence. I wish you had never come back!”
“You don’t really mean that… do you?”
“Do you remember your first words to me? [He shrugs his shoulders and drops his head down to stare at the floor.] You quoted William Stafford to me: "I am your own way of looking at things …When you allow me to live with you, every glance at the world around you will be a sort of salvation" and then you took my hand, gazed deeply into my eyes and placed my hand on your heart. You stared intensely for a long time, long enough to possess my heart and fill my soul. Each day with you was a new affirmation of my limitless possibilites. Then one morning, after months of living in such bliss and spiritual union… after there was such a true deep connection between us... a connection where I could sense your thoughts though you were miles away... one morning I woke up to find you gone… without a word, without so much as a goodbye.”
“It seems to me that you want more from me than I’m able to give you. I’m only your muse, and you need to remember that. And you knew all along that I don't live for just one person, I live and eed to be shared amongst many in order to live and thrive. You knew I exist only when I'm back in the world exploring, and you refused to do that. You refused to let me exist outside your small little world. If you want someone to blame, then blame your fears for keeping me hidden, apart and secluded from the world and the people I love. If there’s any blame to go around then you are to blame for fearing those around me, would love me more than you.”
“Bastard! Had I known I was to share you I would have never let you into my life!”
“Well, until you accept that about me, I won’t be able to stay or make you happy. I’m really sorry that it has to be this way, but that’s the way things are with me. It’s not personal, you understand… it’s just the way I came to be."
Angrily grabbing the open notebook on her desk, she proceeds to tear the pages inside. “Know this, you bastard… I... don’t… need… you! I was fine before I met you, and I’ll be fine once again when you’re gone.” Throws the notebook across the room and into the trash bin.
And with that he was gone. She turned to stare out the window once again, trying hard to stifle her sobs, as she realized she will never experience the passion they once shared.
“You know I’ve not gone far. In fact, I’ve been nearby all along. It’s you who’s been so busy and so preoccupied that you’ve left me out in the cold with no room for me.”
“That’s not true! I sit here every night hoping you’ll visit, waiting for a word from you that will fill my soul, and what do I get? Nothing… silence.” She paused and took a few deep breaths to gather her courage. Courage that would finally let her speak the truth and shatter the fragile icy lies between them, “We’ve become estranged you and I. It used to be that the sound of your whisper at my ear would inspire my soul to write sublime poetry. It used to be, that I would wake up from a deep sleep with a big smile and an impassioned soul that could fill a thousand pages in my diary. And in those moments, I would have complete songs or poems emerge from me, all inspired by my dreams and thoughts of you. But that’s no more... you’ve slowly taken it all away from me with each absence."
“But I’m here now. Doesn’t that count?”
“Yes, you’re here, but you’re not giving me anything I can hold onto or believe in. Yes, you’re here now, but in a sense you’re not, because you keep looking at your watch and fidgeting, hoping this conversation will end soon so you can be gone once again.”
“I never promised you anything… I never said I’d stay. I…”
“I never asked for anything either. It was you who came back into my life, insisting on being a part of it. It was you who sweetly worked your magic into my heart and mind, with your tender "baby's and sweatheart's" sweeping me off my feet and filling my soul with passion for months on end. You were always there, never leaving my side. Now you're almost never there and each time you leave you stay away longer, leaving me empty, barren, a wasteland... leaving me wanting you all the more with each absence. I wish you had never come back!”
“You don’t really mean that… do you?”
“Do you remember your first words to me? [He shrugs his shoulders and drops his head down to stare at the floor.] You quoted William Stafford to me: "I am your own way of looking at things …When you allow me to live with you, every glance at the world around you will be a sort of salvation" and then you took my hand, gazed deeply into my eyes and placed my hand on your heart. You stared intensely for a long time, long enough to possess my heart and fill my soul. Each day with you was a new affirmation of my limitless possibilites. Then one morning, after months of living in such bliss and spiritual union… after there was such a true deep connection between us... a connection where I could sense your thoughts though you were miles away... one morning I woke up to find you gone… without a word, without so much as a goodbye.”
“It seems to me that you want more from me than I’m able to give you. I’m only your muse, and you need to remember that. And you knew all along that I don't live for just one person, I live and eed to be shared amongst many in order to live and thrive. You knew I exist only when I'm back in the world exploring, and you refused to do that. You refused to let me exist outside your small little world. If you want someone to blame, then blame your fears for keeping me hidden, apart and secluded from the world and the people I love. If there’s any blame to go around then you are to blame for fearing those around me, would love me more than you.”
“Bastard! Had I known I was to share you I would have never let you into my life!”
“Well, until you accept that about me, I won’t be able to stay or make you happy. I’m really sorry that it has to be this way, but that’s the way things are with me. It’s not personal, you understand… it’s just the way I came to be."
Angrily grabbing the open notebook on her desk, she proceeds to tear the pages inside. “Know this, you bastard… I... don’t… need… you! I was fine before I met you, and I’ll be fine once again when you’re gone.” Throws the notebook across the room and into the trash bin.
And with that he was gone. She turned to stare out the window once again, trying hard to stifle her sobs, as she realized she will never experience the passion they once shared.
Posted by: Michele at
12:04 AM
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