Sorry, I'm having an adverse reaction to this day. If you don't want to hear cynicism wrapped in truth in reaction to the "Family Day" campaign, then I suggest you move along.

First of all, if you need societal pressure and a friekin' day during the entire year to remind you to spend time with your family, then this entire day is wasted on you. I'm Really Sorry Tammi, but this post is aimed at those that actually need tips and conversation starters and a pledge before sitting down to dinner with their family. If you want to know how a family dinner is supposed to be, then go read Tammi's post. Afterwards, come back and continue reading.

If you need reminders that it's important for your family to sit down at the dinner table together, then you might as well give up now and decide to live with chimps because they can definitely show you what family bonding is about and you might fair better than having a tv station trying to instill values in you.

I for one don't need Hallmark or a TV station to tell me to have dinner with my son or to declare for me its a "Family day". Nope, in fact I'm rather insulted. I took my obligation as a parent so seriously when I became pregnant that I left a job that I absolutely loved so that I could provide for all of my son's needs: physical, emotional and spiritual. Since then, all my choices, both professional and social, have been about not what's best for me, but what's best for my son and I as a family. Sacrifices, like challenges and successes are all shared.

Everyone who comes through our door to stay for any length of time gets enfolded into our small family circle. As a result, they're made a part of our weekly family meetings and outings. The same rules and adherence to values apply for everyone who enters our home. These values and rules are visibly posted for all to see. They are our life guidelines and rules for family cohesion. Before anyone comes to visit I email them our life guidelines and let them know that if they stay with us they will be expected to abide by them. The same discipline rules that apply to my son apply to me, and anyone visiting (no matter the age). I was forced one day to ask my sister to leave my house and not return until her thinking, mouth, hands and attitude were in spiritual agreement with those guidelines. She has never returned, instead she chooses to be a disruptive, destructive and negative influence everywhere she goes.

I am a caring, patient and loving individual, but there are some basic courtesies that in my book ALWAYS NEED TO BE OBSERVED: It begins and ends with respect and tolerance of others.

That being said, lets say there is a family who will actually listen to those tv execs and instead of flippinÂ’ the channel to look at something else will actually have dinner together for the first time. What is the likelihood that theyÂ’ll do it later on in the week or perhaps the following week. Wanna Guess? IÂ’ll spare your neurons and tell you. The sad reality is that statistically if youÂ’re not doing it now, you wonÂ’t. ThatÂ’s right, and no amount of feel good commercials or TV campaigns will make a difference.

So, when your kid is hauled off to jail, or your son is found strung out with a needle in his arm, or humiliating and compromising pictures of your daughter are found on the internet for all to see, donÂ’t look to the courts, the state, the schools, your family or spouse to blame or seek help from, because at that point, itÂ’ll be too damn late! The time you should have tried to spend and guide them is from the beginning. The time you should have made so they donÂ’t wind up in jail or feeling worthless is when theyÂ’re 3 and beginning to develop an understanding between right and wrong and the consequences of their actions. If you think that a little dinner once or twice a year is going to make up for the weeks and months of neglect, or the need for mentors like me, then I suggest you should take a good look at your kids now because youÂ’ve already failed themÂ… big time.

So with that awareness, if you choose to turn off the tv, I suggest you consider, after the dinner and perhaps a board game, if you enjoyed each otherÂ’s company you make a concrete plan on a family plan of how youÂ’re going to do family time consistently a couple of times a week and discuss what core values your family is going to live by. Because being hopeful or occasionally loving, a board game and a few dinners will never be enough to keep a family together.

Posted by: Michele at 01:52 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 837 words, total size 5 kb.

1 Ouch. That said, my 26 year old cousin just moved in. As such, she has been a part of our daily activities unless she has other plans. That includes dinner. She is actually flabbergasted. Her folks never eat together and being related, I know they didn't when they were kids. Of course, her dad never held them or watched them play ball or . . . She thinks it is "so nice" that we try and do things with our young son - like eat a meal together. Her upbringing is why she is profoundly incapable of anything but self-loathing and low self esteem, whereas my three year old finds joy in everything. My hope for a day like today is that some child will say - "hey! I like this idea and mom, dad, we should do this more often." you never know, it could happen. Your son is so very lucky to have you. Happy Family Day anyway! You guys celebrate it as it should be celebrated - just like every other day!

Posted by: oddybobo at September 25, 2006 02:24 PM (mZfwW)

2 There is not a decision I make - including keeping up my own blog for the sake of my sanity - that I do not make without my family in mind. At the end of the day I ask myself if I have done enough that day. Most days it's all too easy to find something I could have done better. If you choose to have a family, you had better be prepared to do the work to be a family. Because there's a hell of a lot more to being a family than just having children.

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at September 25, 2006 09:28 PM (DdRjH)

3 I almost forgot to blog on it until I went to Tammi's and thought "OH yeah!" It's just what I do... family. There is nothing special I have to do because we're all about family EVERY DAY. Every decision I make is based on my family. I started my blog because of my family. Everything. And I can't understand people who do not put their families first.

Posted by: Bou at September 25, 2006 10:12 PM (iHxT3)

4 Funny. I wasn't going to post a 'family day' post because every day is family day at my house. Including the usual fight at "why do we have to stop playing and eat together" at dinner time. Then I took it more as a 'everyone has something to share' kind of idea and put something out. Yaa.. I quit a job I loved and stayed home. Yaa. I b.tch about staying home some days, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I'm the lucky one.

Posted by: vw bug at September 26, 2006 09:34 AM (h89Bu)

5 Amen! And when we're at dinner, everyone has to say one 'good thing' that happened to them that day. It can even be 'I'm glad we didn't have spinach tonight'. But we sometimes get the giggles over sharing the 'good thing'. Makes for some wonderful 'family' time.

Posted by: Mrs_Who at September 26, 2006 08:52 PM (NfSVQ)

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