The living part of life these past 2 months has not been easy. The advent of multiple losses, which began with the death of my best friend in February and ended with the death of my step-father a few weeks ago, made me miss greatly the support of my close friends all the more. To feel close to them I went to St. PaulÂ’s Cemetery (which faces Ground Zero) before it closes for renovation. I did this not only to reflect back on those early days of 9/11 before the landscape changes, but also to have a heart to heart with my dearly departed friends. Betsey, our best friend and mentor for over 20 years, was lucky not to have been there on 9/11. On that fateful day she was undergoing her first chemotherapy treatment far away from the WTC. In February, she finally lost her battle and joined our beloved friends in heaven.

Several months after 9/11 Betsey asked me to write down my account of that day, providing as much detail as I could possibly. Later when it was still hard for me to talk about my grief she asked me to write a series of letters to all my friends and colleagues who died that day. As a psychologist who specialized in trauma, she thought that writing about it would be cathartic. As a writer and published author, she knew it would help exorcise my demons and help express my grief.

On the day she was to read my story she decided to take me out in a row boat in the middle of Central Park. When I asked her why she simply smiled and explained it was a metaphor I would understand later on.

This week I finally understood the metaphor. But this post is not about getting the metaphor or its meaning. Instead itÂ’s about how grateful I am for having had her in my life and for her friendship. In looking back I realize that through these past 4 years her patience, love and guidance helped me heal and overcome the devastating losses I experienced through out my life, not just during 9/11.

Though I miss her greatly, I know she is in a much better place.

As for me, I don't know if I'm back or when I'll write again. What I do know is that this blog is a place for healing for me, so I'll never really be gone. I don't even know if I'll allow comments and trackbacks. It's not that I don't welcome them, it's that when I'm not actively online spammers lay insult to injury with their garbage by inundating my inbox. So keep my life simple and sane I am closing them for now.

This week has been especially hard as I've had to take my son to the emergency twice due to complications from Strep, asthma, allergies and a high fever that won't go away. So while there, I've had time to think, reflect and visit you all through my cellphone. I'm grateful you're all there and I'm grateful your lives bring so much needed humor into my life. And I say that in a good way.

Thanks for visiting.

Posted by: Michele at 08:11 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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