As I sit in my cozy warm livingroom watching the inauguration I'm glad that I decided to stAs I sit in my cozy warm living room watching the inauguration I'm glad that I decided to stay home. My old DC connections extended an invitation to all the day's events, but I'm really not a hang out in the cold type of person. That is, unless I'm hiking, skiing. skating or sledding.

I'm off of work for the 2 weeks, both to rest my hands and to get some important things done have lots of things planned and lots of things in the air. I hope all the things I want to accomplish get done.

Part of me wishes I could do more for the Tsunami victims, but my present lifestyle no longer permits me to take a short leave and go to work for the relief agencies I used to work for. My responsibilities as a single mom of an adorable and demanding 5 year old require me to remain home. One of the things that I'll be doing is running a workshop here for new relief workers that will be going overseas and helping them understand what to expect there both culturally and emotionally. Unfortunately, I am uniquely qualified to share on what it feels like to lose everyone you love in an instant and how Post Traumatic Stress disorder has manifested itself in my life these past 3 in a half years.

Life is easier now. My grief, like an old friend, remains close bye. It especially hangs close during special days when the absence of my friends is felt most. There's always a brief respite from January through April, and for that I'm grateful.

I'm finally back to writing in my journals, which has helped enormously to restore my inner peace over the past few months. Since, I've had to remain offline for awhile, writing in my journals helps release some of those thoughts that I would have posted on this blog.

So I've taken up photography again as another form of expression. My old 35 mm Nikon is a constant but heavy companion. An old familiar friend thatÂ’s been with me for over 15 years. I've parked my digital camera because it involves the PC and I promised my doctor that I would limit my use to once every 3 weeks. I love to take pictures in Central Park on snowy days. Part of me wishes I could post them online but I have to be good for now. Sigh!

IÂ’ve been missing my online friends and family. Today I was able to visit everyone and say high to a few. It was nice to see that my blog dad is still up to his old antics. I smiled at the eye candy he linked to (thanks!). IÂ’m still annoyed with Vigo since I saw him sporting his No Blood for Oil t-shirt over a year ago.

Well, I miss you all too! Thanks to all who have stopped by to wish me well. Your wishes and notes are greatly appreciated. Hope to read you all soon!

Posted by: Michele at 03:48 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Christmas of 2001 was pretty non-existent for me. I was still numb from the loss of 6 close life long friends in the attack of the World Trade Center. I was so numb I was silent. It wasn't anything that I planned, it just happened that way after the people that I called, spoke to and emailed daily were gone.

That numbness helped me cope with the gaping wound that had been created in my heart from all my loss. It enabled me to show up at work, take care of my young son and function on a daily basis. To help me forget about Christmas that year, I decided to use my 4 weeks of vacation and return to Asia with my son and live amongst Buddhists, where Christmas isn't celebrated. It was the only way I knew to breach the void I felt.

Throughout 2002, I attended memorial services for 4 of my friends who had been identified through DNA. My numbness enabled me to plan memorial services for 2 of them and to be of support to their families. As the holidays approached numbness gave way to a slow emerging grief. Ironically, it was the ones who were identified who I mostly grieved over. I guess my heart and mind were still refusing to accept what was evident and instead I clung to the hope of a miracle.

Although I traveled for business over the Thanksgiving holiday that year, I stayed home for Christmas. I eventually forced myself to buy a few presents and put up a small tree for my toddler's benefit, but the sadness kept me from venturing out of my cocoon, even for services

By Christmas of 2003 only my oldest and dearest friend remained to be identified and honored in a memorial service. A good deal of my numbness had slipped away thanks to my writing about my wonderful friends to some new friends that were deployed in Afghanistan and Iraq. In my letters to these wonderful soldiers I shared fond memories and they shared with me about their loved ones. It was in sharing my memories and their lives with these soldiers that I was able to get in touch with my grief over each individual loss.

Without knowing it, these letters became my bridge back to life. Through them I found a way to grieve without being overwhelmed by the deep and profound loss of my close friends. To these incredible men and women I will be eternally grateful, for without knowing it, they helped me rise out of the ashes of this disaster and empowered me, through their quiet and resilient strength, to overcome this tragedy.

May God bless each and every one of them.

Posted by: Michele at 03:01 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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Here's a sampling of messages I received today in response to my mandate post:

"Why the hell is Kerry conceding and giving up? Why is he letting Bush get away with this."

"This is a blow to democracy... That bastard stole the election once again."

"This constitution will fail, as others have before it, due to the corruption of the people who, once they have become totally corrupt, turn to despotism, because only a despot can govern them. - Benjamin Franklin"

"May [Bush] and his ivy league monied friends suffer miserably before they die and go to hell."

I'm truly amazed at receiving these emails. Haven't the majority of the American people spoken loudly and clearly? Isn't a majority of the popular and electoral votes what matters in the end?

I guess it will take time for some people to let it go. As for me, I am ready to go to work and help in the healing process. I will not gloat, as it could have easily gone the other way. I am just relieved that it went the way of my personal interests.

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Posted by: Michele at 12:52 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Although I'm too busy to post, I still want to share something amusing. Here's an item I received in today's email via non-blogger/reader Lisa. But wait, there's a question at the end that I would like to have your thoughts on.

"A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly...he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's
pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims.

"Good," she replies. "Get your own damn blanket!"

After a long moment of silence, he farted."

I thought it was funny. A subliminal social commentary on the quasi-liberated sexes. But then I began to wonder, as I received various interesting responses from my co-workers, how you all would respond. Their answers will be posted later on tonight (I was assured), so in the meantime I want to hear your answers. And now for the questions:

For the men - would you have woken her up and asked, or would you have gotten the blanket yourself?

For the women - would you have gotten up to get the blanket when asked, or would you have answered in a similar fashion?

Posted by: Michele at 12:40 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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That's right, day 3 and my cold just knocked me out today. It took me 12 times before dialing the right number to call in sick to work this morning. Maybe it was the medicine I took. Normally when I'm sick I watch tv or surf or alternate between the 2. This time I did neither. Instead I alternated between sleeping and laying in bed, deciding whether I should eat regardless of not being hungry, and disregarding the old wives tale to "starve a cold". I comprimised. I drank a truck load of juice and nibbled on toast.

It's a good thing I don't have a fever, otherwise I'd say I have the flu. There have been enough flu cases in NYC to freak people out. Not me. If I get, I get.... if I don't, I don't. In the meantime, I'm just going to lay in bed till I'm better.

If you still need some entertainment, scroll down a bit past the autum picture and there you'll find links to my blog family. Try visiting them if you want some amusement! Ciao for now.

Posted by: Michele at 07:52 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Central Park is hosting today, the largest tag sale in history to benefit NYC public schools. If youÂ’re in town, stop by and expect to get bargains galore! I unfortunately won't be there. Instead I'll be going to a pumpkin festival where my 5 year old son and I will be auditioning pumpkins for the position of Jack OÂ’Lantern.

Last week, as we shopped in Union Square’s farmers market, he began to knock on pumpkins and say to them “Jack, are you in there?” After placing his ear to the pumpkin he’d knock on them again saying, “Jack, are you in there?” staring intently into the pumpkin. I smiled as I tried to figure out what on earth he was doing. Those around us chuckled and laughed quietly.

After talking to him I pieced togther what he was doing. Apparently his teacher had explained to them how to pick a good Jack OÂ’Lantern pumpkin and somehow he interpreted that to think that the knocking would wake up a dormant Jack and coax him into talking back to him. Well, Jack never answered him last week, so this week weÂ’re determined to find one that will. Even if mommy has to throw her voice and attempt to be a ventriloquist. Hope you all have a good weekend.

Posted by: Michele at 10:51 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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I could begin this post by focusing on the number of marches/rallies that went on in this city yesterday (12) and the subsequent arrests (over 200) but I won't.

Instead I'm going to focus on the frustration us law abiding New Yorkers feel over those that disrupt our lives in the name of free speech. Right now I'm very tired as it took me over 3 hours just to get home, when it normally takes 45 min. What delayed me? Ajoint rally held by two groups called Critical Mass/Times Up, held a rally which turned into an impromptu ride by over 5,000 bicyclists when the permit was originally called for their membership of 2,000.
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Posted by: Michele at 01:29 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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The news from Sudan today was very disturbing and brought back for me many, many memories. ABC-TV in NY reported in it's evening news that they expect over 100,000 men, women and children to die before year's end if enough aid and protection is not given to the 1.2 million refugees already in Darfur. The situation has been critical for a number of months.

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Posted by: Michele at 08:59 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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