In response to my previous post, my blog brother Eric of Straight White Guy, responded by reminding me of an old C. S. Lewis quote: "To love is to be vulnerable." Thanks Bro, for the encouragement and inspiration.

UPDATE: My blog Dad, Harvey of Bad Example, shares about what it was like to find, lose and reclaim his wonderful, first and, only true love of his life. Laughing Wolf has two posts. This post is an extraordinary tale of how love led him to become the man he is today. His 2nd post is about how true love is about the experience of loving and receiving rather than loosing.

I see that he and I share similar philosophies of love, for no matter what has happened in love, I have become a better and stronger person for it. Sometimes the pain might get in the way of that lesson, but in retrospect, I see that I am better for having loved.

Acidman and Jerry of Stuff About were wonderful enough to share memories of their first loves.

Those of you who have emailed me your love stories (for my eyes only), thank you. They made me laugh and one in particular touched my heart and almost made me cry. For those who still want to write about their First Love, please do so as I'd love to read your story.

In the last 4 years I've experienced a great deal of loss. Loss that for a long time I thought was too insurmountable for me to even consider being social again. During that time I retreated from the world to a place of silence and memories. I needed to be there in order to grieve and heal. Today I find myself in a better place. A place of hope, where I feel ready to open up my heart and allow people to enter it once again.

Thanks for showing me that you have loved, lost and have been able to love again.

Posted by: Michele at 09:48 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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In an effort to maintain the mood or essense of love we created in our lives last week, I would like to open the comments section or to get linkbacks to the memories of our first loves. I'll post mine in an update later.

Over a week ago, Christina of Feisty Repartee challenged men to share how they express(ed) their love to the possesor of their affections. True to form, Eric, That1Guy, Mr. Helpful, and Acidman shared in their posts, how men can express love with depth and affection. They were truly inspiring and evoked memories of my first love. This made me wonder: What was it about their first true love that made them fall in love and whether their love was reciprocated or not. I also wondered how that love has impacted their love life in the present.

I call on my cyber friends and family to help inspire me to be hopeful about love again by kindling that little spark of love in all of us through the sharing of our stories. more...

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Come to me in the silence of the night;
come in the speaking silence of a dream.
Come with soft rounded cheeks and eyes as bright
as sunlight on a stream;
Come back in tears,
O memory, hope, love of finished years.

O dream how sweet, too sweet, too bitter sweet,
whose awakening should have been in Paradise,
where souls brimfull of love abide and meet;
where thirsting longing eyes
watch the slow door
that opening, letting in, lets out no more.

Yet come to me in dreams that I may live
my very life again though cold in death:
Come back to me in dreams, that I may give
pulse for pulse, breath for breath.
Speak low, lean low,
as long ago, my love, how long ago.
~ Christina Rossetti

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I have often wondered about the depth and longevity of men's love. In reading the posts of Eric, That1Guy, Mr. Helpful, and Acidman, I realize now that there is hope to still meet the kind of man I'd like to meet.

Gentlemen, thanks for opening up and letting women know what a man's measure of true love is. You've certainly taken my breath away.

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How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning

I am looking forward to celebrating this day for it's pure meaning - the celebration of love. I love the incredible energy that love brings into a person's life. Since the start of the year, I've tried to create a loving atmosphere for myself, so I can share that with those around me, both in the real and virtual world.

This past year, this blog has helped me realize that I've been very shy about meeting new people. I guess I had to truly grieve the death of my friends before I could move on. My grieving had to truly turn the corner into celebrating their presence in my life. They gave me more love and support in the years we were all together, than most people experience in a lifetime.

Valentine's day would be when we would take kids from the local homeless shelter ice skating in Central Park. Afterwards we'd give them little gifts followed by hot chocolate and lots of smiles and hugs. It was always a wonderful day full of happy smiles and great feelings, whether we were involved or not.

Well, tomorrow Dear Cupid, I venture out as your ambassador. I will be spending 2 hrs volunteering with a local kindergarden class helping them create valentine's day cards for their loved ones, reading Valentine day stories, eating heart shaped chocolate cup cakes with sprinkles (I just made) and just having a real fun time. I'm really looking forward to speading some loving smiles and hugs. I just love the hugs I get from these wonderful little angels. They, as you, have truly been a balm for my soul.

Long ago I discovered that loving life, kept me full of joy and wonder, which in turn touched the lives of those around me. I lost that part of me after 9/11 when everyone I loved was taken from me. But now I'm living on for their loving memories, and for the life they taught and gave me to live.

So, in celebration of that love, I hope that everyone experiences more than just the words I love you. I hope everyone experiences the kind of simple loving, such as actions that touch the heart, convey. Those actions carry more weight, depth and meaning than any 3 words could ever offer.
I hope you have a love-filled week!

Posted by: Michele at 10:35 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 What a wonderful day......and I'm so glad you're doing that. I've always felt that love is the key to a rich and fulfilled life....and realizing that you have that love in time to enjoy it is the essance of joy. What a great gift that is! You have a wonderful, love-filled week too!

Posted by: Tammi at February 14, 2005 12:47 AM (HaRi0)

2 What a wonderful thing to do, and I am so glad you are doing it. Celebrate the love that is all around you, and may it warm and enrich your life for much more than a day. Sending a little bit of extra warmth your way with a thought of you today.

Posted by: Laughing Wolf at February 14, 2005 07:58 AM (pE1Lx)

3 Just wait until you finally meet the family. You'll get more hugs than you know what to do with :-) And I'm glad the day went well.

Posted by: Harvey at February 15, 2005 01:31 PM (tJfh1)

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Central Park is a little slice of heaven in NYC for the 8 million people that live here. Over 15O years ago, the NYC legislature designated the 24 miles of farm and dairy land, as public space. In so doing, they assured that New Yorkers would have a refuge and comfort in natural wonder of nature.

As I approached Central Park Sunday, I thought about how my own personal history and development is so intertwined with this incredibly luscious green space in the summer, and how it has become for me this winter a quiet meditative grey space to help in my healing process from this damned carpel tunnel and tendonitis.

Last week, as I began to walk around in the park, after one of my physical therapy appointments, I began to see crews of men placing these dark pedestals on either side of the footpaths throughout the park. It was annoying because the walking paths are not very wide to begin with, and now these pedestals were further limiting the footpath space by over a foot in width by 3 feet in length on either side.

On Sunday when my son and I walked around we had to get out of the park because essentially there was not enough foot space for 4 people to walk side by side, so people were bumping into us constantly.

At first I was perplexed because these things were everywhere. It seemed like to massive a project for the Park Conservation Committee to undergo without letting NY residents know this would be happening. When I later heard about The Gates art project I was really annoyed. The total cost for the project: 23 Million dollars plus 3 Million for the 750 police officers to guard the exhibit every night for 16 nights.

At first I was just angry over the installation because the miles of non-biodegrable nylon tarp blocks everyone's view of nature in every direction. As you walk, all you can see is a sea of artificial flourescent/day glo orange fabric and steel. When I learned of the cost it pushed me over the edge. I love art, I even have 3 memberships to reflect my love, interest and support of art. To spend that much money on nylon, plastic and steel I feel is unconscionable!

Maybe if you saw the park from my point of view [in pictures], you might understand my love for this space, and my frustration with The Gates [of Hell], that are currently transforming my beloved park. Maybe then you'll understand why, even though I love art, I find this project to be an eyesore and a stressful nightmare.

more...

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I've been very busy this week dealing with lots of appointments and other things. I currently have 3 to do lists: one for me, one for my 5 year old son and one for our home. My Personal To Do List, like the other 2, is broken down into 4 categories: Urgent, Critical, Soon and Whenever.

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I believe everyone has the right to speak their mind in a coherent and intelligent manner to prove their point. When you get to name calling, however, all bets are off. An insult like this can only be responded to with a swift kick to the "nads".

In his essay, Some People Push Back: On the Justice of Roosting Chickens, CU professor Ward Churchill argues that:

• Victims of the Sept. 11th attacks were "technocrats of empire, ... little Eichmanns inhabiting the sterile sanctuary of the twin towers"

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The 16 month Calendar of the Fire Dept of New York (FDNY) was unveiled and went on sale today. The calendar benefits mostly The Orphans and Widows Fund created to help provide support to the surviving family members of fire fighters who have died in the line of duty. A small portion of the proceeds goes to fund The FDNY Fire Safety Education Fund.

For a preview, follow this link. To purchase online follow this link.

On 9/11 we lost 349 firefighters, which means that close to one thousand family members were impacted by their death. This fund is both a resource and an incredible support system which helps families of these brave men make the transition to a life without them.

This calendar makes a great Valentine's day or birthday gift for any single female friends.

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Update: For the latedt and most in depth info visit Friends of Saddam

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Does it surprise me? No! Having once worked at the UN I know how easily it can be for people to serve themselves rather than those they are charged to take care of.

Several individuals have already been indicted, including the head of the oil-for-food program at the UN. Now let's see how close this goes to the Kofi Annan himself. AP has published an exclusive article which only appears in NY Newsday.

Hmmm, I wonder why the NY Times has nothing on it. The most in-depth information I read was in the Wall Street over a year ago. To learn more I encourage you to do an Altavista or Google search of Kojo Annan or the oil-for-food program. That search will provide you with lots more info, including the investigation by Swiss authorities, which uncovered the scandal.

Of course, that is not what you'll read in the MSM or in the International Media. Nope! I have to say the only reason this story got legs to begin with was because the Swiss authorities kept investigating and uncovering more incriminating evidence that led directly back to UN involvement. Thank God for their sense of righteousness and justice, otherwise this story would be lost on page 36 if reported at all.

Prediction: Kofi will step aside in 6 to 8 moths time.

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Writing is one of the ways I get through the hardest challenges and share the most wonderful moments in my life.

Writing this blog has been a blessing for being able to express the intensity of emotion surrounding my monumental loss on 9/11. The support of those who leave comments and who email me has been invaluable. It is a precious gift I will never forget. You have all brought little rays of sunshine in order to provide light for a place of darkness.

My usual process is that once I give vent to the emotions burdening my heart I need to do something nurturing for the positive light to take hold and remain. Reading Laughing Wolf's post on his Sunday meal with friends reminded me of what I miss the most, cooking on Sundays for my friends. It was invariably the glue that held us all together and celebrated our love and friendship.

more...

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