To all who lost their lives a year ago, in particular Benedetta, may you be resting in the joyful peace of the heavens. Benedetta: sana 7elwa ya gameeeeeeeeeeeeelÂ…Â…Â…

To their families and friends, whose lives will never be the same, may you find comfort in your living loved ones.

To a community whose lives will forever be changed, may you someday find peace.

To those who participated in this dasterdly deed, either willingly, complicitly or silently, may you live with the pain of the deaths you caused every day that you're alive.

Posted by: Michele at 02:54 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Why, you may ask, is Russia and China taking North Korea's side? Simple, the same reason they oppose imposing sactions on Iran: money and fear!

Like Iran, North Korea makes considerable purchases of items other countries would not even consider buying from Russia & China adding considerably to each country's revenue.

Then there is the Kim Jong - powder keg factor. Who wants to go against a madman that has weapons that are locked and loaded on his neighbors and can easily be launched against them without provocation.

Kim Jong has tested his missiles just outside Russian, Japanese and Taiwan's airspace without so much as a warning, making dialogue and diplomatic relations tenuous at best. Russia and China have not supported the US on sanctions in the past (like when thousands of North Koreans were dying every day) so this little matter of nuclear/military proliferation, will eventually die a quiet death, as it has in the past, until Kim Jong gets bored again and decides to stir up troupble.

He's like Britney Spears, can't stand not being in the limelight and the center of attention, but hate the negative attention they draw thinking they are undeserving of criticism.

Posted by: Michele at 08:14 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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This post was birthed in response to blog sis Teresa's post North Korea - Trying to Be Big Man On Campus. Her commentary made me laugh, though I wasn't laughing when I heared the news of the launching. Nope, it pissed me off that this idiot will probably manage to kill lots of his people and his neighbors just to try to show he's got (cough, cough) viable rockets.

To answer Teresa on the distance and capability of these long range missiles: they are second hand, 20 to 30 yr old Russian medium to long range missiles that were sold to the North Korean's (NK's) close to 20 years ago. These missiles were always unreliable, only 1 in 4 ever managed to hit their long range target when they were in the Russian arsenal. Needing to get rid of the old before buying new ones (as stipulated by treaties Kissinger & others brokered in the 70 & 80's), the Russians wound up selling them to the NK's in the late 80's with the UN's blessing. The UN sanctioned the sale because back then China was still a military and political threat to everyone in Asia, including their own allies.

more...

Posted by: Michele at 11:35 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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It used to be that the "C" word would conjur up fear in the strongest of men. In my experience, it has a way of making people disappear out of your life. When I was diagnosed with cervical cancer in 1985 (after a routine checkup) every single one of my so called friends vanished into thin air.

When my boyfriend never showed up to pick me up at the hospital after my biopsy, it was his way of ending our engagement. As I made the round of calls that day to see if someone would be kind enough to pick me up, it was a relatively new friend, David, whom responded to my call for help. During the subsequent months of treatment I learned from him, and my fellow patients, a great deal about courage, life, living in the moment and about hope against all odds. It was during that time that David drilled into me that it takes 40 lbs of positive thinking to defeat 1oz of negativity.

That’s part of the reason I posted the email below. Reading the words “If you heal and recover” made me not only feel someone was betting against me. The effect of those words felt like I had been punched in the stomach. The email made me question my judgment about many things. How was it possible that someone who called themselves my friend would be capable of being so callous and inconsiderate? Not once in that email did they wish the best for me. Why did I not see that before; was I delusional, in denial, blind or just plain stupid? If I had been wrong about this friendship, what else could I be wrong about? How could I trust my judgment about my recovery and focus on staying healthy when I couldn’t even choose healthy people to be in my life? What “If” they were right? Needless to say I cried for a very long time before writting my previous post. After I wrote it I still was ambivalent about it.

However, had I not written it, the negative thinking those words inspired would have spiraled me out of control and taken me to a very dark place. I recall telling someone I had just met last year, that their kind of thinking could easily destroy me. ItÂ’s something David used to say whenever I found myself listening to those who bet against me in 1985, if you listen to negative words you will only accomplish living up to their self-fulfilling prophecy. If you listen to positive messages and words of hope, the future will always remain open to endless possibilities.

With your kind messages you have all pulled me back from the edge of that precipice. Now I have a new “C” word in my life – Caring! Thank you!

Posted by: Michele at 03:15 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 "When I was diagnosed with cervical cancer in 1985 (after a routine checkup) every single one of my so called friends vanished into thin air." See, this I simply don't understand. It's not the bubonic plague for heaven's sake. What is wrong with people? I know you're better off to have found out how very very shallow the old boyfriend was back then, but that had to hurt badly. "If I had been wrong about this friendship, what else could I be wrong about?" I'm betting this is the first time the friendship was tested under adverse circumstances. Until that happens you don't know how it will stand up - unfortunately in this case it doesn't stand at all. There's no way to know this ahead of time really. We all want to think the best of people we consider to be friends. It's the way we're wired. And it's a healthier way to live... for the most part. If you're constantly suspicious of everyone's motives - it gets depressing. Hang in there. Things will start looking up once you get your son completely well and they'll look even better when you get yourself better too. It's difficult to be optimistic when you've been under such stress for so long.

Posted by: Teresa at July 05, 2006 11:29 AM (jgXyO)

2 Life is too short to dwell on those that hurt you with or without concious. It seems to me there's many, me included, who think you're a wonderful person. Unfortunately, it will be this person's loss that you're not in their lives and not vice versa.

Posted by: Randy at July 05, 2006 03:42 PM (y9UuV)

3 Fair weather friends, feh. Real friends are the ones you not only can tell about the bodies, but they will help you bury them too... Hang in there, and Teresa is right, things will look much better once a certain little man has bounced back. Think then you will find yourself bouncing right alongside him too.

Posted by: Laughing Wolf at July 06, 2006 07:51 AM (vVVHa)

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I want to thank those of you who have called, sent me text messages, and left comments of support and encouragement. I have always believed that a positive frame of mind is stronger and more powerful than any other mind set and you guys are doing a great job of keeping me there.

About 8 weeks ago, after a routine check up and a biopsy of skin cells (the size of a dime), I was diagnosed with stage 1 malignant melanoma (cancer). Luckily they got all the malignant cells during the biopsy and didn't have to go back for more. Afterwards, I consulted with top skin doctors in NYC to confirm the diagnosis and map out a treatment plan that would ensure I stay in the 96% of those who achieve a total recovery rate. Because it was caught during my routine check up, and because IÂ’m a vegetarian and lead a healthy lifestyle (I don't smoke, drink or bask in the sun anymore), my own personal prognosis and recovery rate has been placed even higher.

I went in to the 1st chemotherapy session knowing it would be the toughest because you don't know how your body will react or what to expect until you go through it. Blessedly and gratefully, the nausea and runs have not wiped me out totally. I have dealt with stomach viruses that have knocked me about worse. Afterwards I had enough stamina to do the basics in order to take care of me and take care of my son as he recovers from his tonsillectomy, and the visiting nurse has been helping with the rest.

You guys have been helping too, with all your kind loving words. However, thereÂ’s just one message that I received, that I truly donÂ’t know what to make of it or how to respond.

In situations like this I normally consult my friends and get guidance from them, but since theyÂ’re dead, dear reader, I have to leave it to you to give me ideas on how to respond.

To give a bit of a background, this person asked that I confirm I had cancer. After sending an email giving confirmation and a brief outline of my positive circumstances they didn't respond. After awhile I emailed and thought it best to make things clearer and easier for them to understand and I explained about my positive prognosis and the steps IÂ’ve taken to ensure that I remain healthy and well. Below is the body of the email I received in response to the 2 page email I labored in sending to this individual to make it known that the only discomfort IÂ’m experiencing is that from the treatment itself.

Any thoughts or guidance you can offer me on what to say or how to respond is greatly appreciated because IÂ’m truly at a loss for words with this one.

Thanks for writing.

As they say, the proof is in the pudding.
Only time will determine if you heal and recover.
I would have preferred if you had shared with me so that I could have prayed and tried to help you. But I can see that you have prepared yourself well.

Posted by: Michele at 01:44 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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The Good: All of you for the wonderful messages of support I received. They were touching, they arrived whenever I was worried or my spirits were low.

The Bad: My son needing emergency care for post surgical complications. We were in the ER for over 8hrs dealing with a number of symptoms and finally arrived at root cause to treat it and have been back home now for 18hrs without a relapse. YAY!

The Ugly: New York University Hospital's Emergency Room. One of the top teaching hospitals in the country and the conditions in their environment would fail the American Hospital Accreditation's exam for cleanliness. Not only were the conditions deplorable, they did away with their pediatric emergency ward. I also forgot that June 30 is the date that most residents and Attending's school terms ends and the new docs don't begin until after July 4th. When we were almost done, they wheeled a man into my son's room who was having a heart attack and began working on him as my son looked on. There was no curtain I could close, nothing I could do except pick up my son and carry him to an empty bed down the hall. It pissed off the nurses because we used an empty bed that would now have to be cleaned after we left but I didn't care. My son's mental well being was more important that what these witches thought/said. Oh, I took names and will be reporting the entire hospital to every major place I can. I even took pictures with my cell phone camera to show the violations.

I will never, ever go back there again!

As for me, I'm so sleep deprived I've been making mistakes of judgement and of action. I've been having to stay up to care and medicate my son and although I hired a visiting nurse to help me, I ran errands and started my chemotherapy while she was with my son. Unfortunately they don't work on weekends so no rest for the weary. It seems that I won't get any sleep until possibly sunday night when my brother in law comes to visit and will stay overnight to give me a break.

The worse 2 mistakes I've made was stepping onto oncoming traffic on a busy roadway and forgetting when and if I took my medication. I'm now writing down all the info and have set up alarms in my pda telling me who gets what medicine when. That's a big help! Actually, when we got to the ER, the Dr. was amazed that although I wasn't too coherent or intelligently making correlations, that I at least wrote my son's medical history into my pda prior to his surgery so that I wouldn't forget anything during admission intake. He was not only able to speed the process of my son's assessment by using this history but asked that I download it via the bluetooth feature to the hospital's computer all the info on fever stats, amount/times of fluid intake etc.

As for my son, althought he's hanging in there he's very weak. Not having been able to hold any food down for almost 4 days took a toll on his little body and he lost 6 lbs. He's on liquids only for now until he's able to handle soft solids like ice cream, yogurts and soups.

Well, that's all for now as I have to begin the coaxing, bribing etc. to have my son increase his fluid intake amount. Again, thanks for your emails and voice mail messages, they were greatly appreciated. more...

Posted by: Michele at 11:50 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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1 Oh Michele - I'm so sorry it turned into such a nightmare for you! I only sent the one email, but didn't want to bug you if exactly this type of thing happened. The reason I don't jump for joy when someone has what should be a "routine surgery" is that there can always be complications such as you experienced. It was best to have the surgery since the other option was to let him continue to battle infections which could also have serious complications. Sometimes there is not a great choice. You made the right one and I'm hoping once he's over the worst of this he'll be feeling much better with way fewer days of sickness. Teaching hospitals... don't get me started! I've been to one too in Chicago - I would never return to another unless someone could convince me it was actually a great place - even then I'd have my doubts! I can't believe they brought a man with a heart attack into the room with your son! Especially since you were able to find another empty bed elsewhere (why couldn't THEY take the other guy there?). Plus the poor man - having his own privacy so very violated! The whole thing reeks! Oh I wish I were just a little closer so I could come over and help you and let you get some rest. You two have been through the wringer.

Posted by: Teresa at July 01, 2006 12:54 PM (jgXyO)

2 You're a sweetheart, Michele, and I wish nothing but the best for you and your son. I hope you have a wonderful Fourth of July!

Posted by: zonker at July 01, 2006 02:23 PM (bOFuO)

3 Zonker, why is it that every time you call me I'm always in the shower?

Posted by: michele at July 01, 2006 07:35 PM (7nxpI)

4 ... damnation, woman..... if I can help, give me a call.... you are family now.....

Posted by: Eric at July 01, 2006 09:33 PM (r5XsL)

5 Rubbing my temples with my fingers and sending you happy thoughts and energy. Grab naps when you can. You and the little guy are gonna come out fine, dag nab it.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at July 02, 2006 07:19 PM (Ivf0d)

6 *hugs* and good thoughts heading your way.

Posted by: vw bug at July 03, 2006 06:51 AM (EaKZs)

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