In an effort to maintain the mood or essense of love we created in our lives last week, I would like to open the comments section or to get linkbacks to the memories of our first loves. I'll post mine in an update later.

Over a week ago, Christina of Feisty Repartee challenged men to share how they express(ed) their love to the possesor of their affections. True to form, Eric, That1Guy, Mr. Helpful, and Acidman shared in their posts, how men can express love with depth and affection. They were truly inspiring and evoked memories of my first love. This made me wonder: What was it about their first true love that made them fall in love and whether their love was reciprocated or not. I also wondered how that love has impacted their love life in the present.

I call on my cyber friends and family to help inspire me to be hopeful about love again by kindling that little spark of love in all of us through the sharing of our stories. I was spoiled by love at an age when most people are busy dealing with youthful crushes. Being the oldest daughter of a Pastor meant that dating was off the table until age 19. Being a dutiful daughter, and knowing it was a losing battle to notice boys, I focused instead on church, sports and studies. That was until I noticed my best friend's older brother. Bruce was 17, captain of the boy's volleyball team and assistant coach of the girls volleyball. After a year of knowing him, I began to appreciate his attentiveness and generosity.

My grandmother always said that if I ever liked a boy, to make sure I observed how he treated the women in his life, because that would give me an idea of how I would be treated. I've always lived by those words and when I didn't, I lived to regret it.

In his case though, not only was he a wonderful older brother to my best friend, he was an incredible son and friend to all. The more I got to know and observe him the more my friendship turned to admiration and then to great affection.

I first became aware of him for his deeds and not his looks (though he was the guy that every girl wanted to date in high school). We had slowly become best friends over the previous school year and our mutual affection grew from there.

I realized he liked me back a few days after I had broken my nose in a volleyball match. He had come to see me every day while I was recuperating from my injury. Because of my very strict parents, he made sure he got past their radar by making sure he brought over a few of my team mates each time. With the visits invariably came flowers, candy and my homework. It was the first time I knew what it felt to be cared for, loved, respected and adored by someone. I was truly humbled for his capacity to love me with all my imperfections and insecurities.

His character, integrity and honesty made me only love him more. It was a wonderful and healthy kind of love based on mutual affection and respect. The kind that grows with each passing day and would endure insurmountable obstacles over time. My dad did everything in his power for us not to see or be around each other. That meant that I was pulled off the team, since that still didn't break our interest and affection, he then transferred me to an all girls boarding school 2 hrs away from home. What my father failed to realize was that Bruce had his own car, which meant that he could visit me twice a month without fail. When my dad got wind of the visits, I was shipped to a convent school stateside.

We communicated via letters, phone calls and Bruce even managed to fly in twice to visit me during family weekends during that first semester. One day, over a long distance call he mentioned our future... as he saw it: marriage, a home, and kids. Suddenly I felt my cloistered, narrow life becoming even smaller before I even had a chance to live it. In truth it was not the life I saw for me or for us. My plans included living on my own while going to college and experiencing life as a young woman unencumbered by other's visions of what my life should be.

My vision included Bruce, but instead of marriage it was supposed to be dating like a normal couple of college kids. I knew what I wanted and where I was headed and I knew marriage would end all that. I tried negotiating all various types of alternative compromises, but unfortunately, he was serious and set on marriage, after all "he had already waited for me 2 years". No matter what alternative I proposed, if it didn't end in marriage within a year of graduation, it wasn't acceptable. That's when to my surprise, my parents joined forces with him. The joint ultimatum was: if I continued the relationship it would end in marriage within 6 months of graduation.

I was torn, but soon after realized that I would be miserable either way. I was also frustrated that the only thing that was preventing me from choosing my own fate was financial independence. My father had already taken it upon himself to decide my plan B: divinity school in the bible belt.

That's when heaven and lady luck both smiled my way and I was tapped on the shoulder for a modeling agency. Bruce was incredibly disappointed when he discovered I had done all of this, including getting my own apartment, on my own without discussing it with anyone. No one saw things from where I stood. I simply wanted the opportunity to follow my own dreams, but they just didn't fit in with everyone else's vision of what my life should be like.

It broke my heart when Bruce and I broke things off. but I knew, that had I accepted marriage as my fate, I would grow to resent him in the end. He was just too caring to deserve a resentful wife, he deserved someone that could give him the kind of commitment I couldn't. I never looked back until today.

The greatest lesson I learned from our relationship was how love can grow in spite of distance, time and separation. How two people who truly love each other completely, based on their heart (and not from any other part) are able to face anything more solidly united in that love. I am still very grateful for having experienced that kind of love. It taught me how to become a stronger person and to listen to my inner voice.

It was Bruce who nurtured that focused strength, independent spirit and inner voice that has enabled me to become who I am today. For that alone, I will have a special place in my heart for him always.

Posted by: Michele at 11:30 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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