I have dealt with enough things this week to break anyoneÂ’s spirit; and yet here I am, somehow still standing.

I have dealt with the loss of my aunt, the disappointment and challenge of dealing with sometimes hostile family members who were upset over my auntÂ’s will (I was the executor), the betrayal of a trusted long time friend, and being told 2 hours before my auntÂ’s memorial service that I had lost my job. I guess this was the 3rd loss or 4th loss in my life this week, depending on how you look at it.

All this was in addition to dealing with a 5 year old, whose became unreckognizable and who's behavior regressed hourly thanks to the belliegerent and undisciplined children he was living with these past 5 days. All I could do to survive was stay focused on the next thing I had to do, while I began planning on how to get home as quickly as possible.

Dealing with a regressing 5 year old, mourning my aunt, reacting to belligerent family members, dealing with the loss of a friend, and a fun, well-paying job, would all have to wait until I was in a loving and comfortable environment. So instead, I focused on my breathing, kept uttering positive mantras that felt hollow, prayed for strength, envisioned all of you guys supporting me and stayed as numb as I possibly could given the circumstances.

Now that IÂ’m finally home, all I would love to do is curl up into a fetal position and begin unraveling the huge knot that had formed in my stomach Monday, and had slowly tensed all my muscles into cement which then formed of a big lump in my throat the rest of the week. Unfortunately, as a single-mom without support, I donÂ’t have that luxury. ThereÂ’s calls to be returned, groceries to be bought, food to be prepared, and an uncooperative 5 year old, who needs to be brought back to the disciplined cooperative child he was prior to this trip.

So tonight, when IÂ’m finally able to sit and watch the waning moon cross the sky, journal in hand, thereÂ’ll be time for tears, thoughts, and words borne of frustration, sadness, grief and anger, that will enable the process of healing to begin.

Thanks for your supportive comments, they've helped me enormously.

Posted by: Michele at 02:35 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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