It used to be that the "C" word would conjur up fear in the strongest of men. In my experience, it has a way of making people disappear out of your life. When I was diagnosed with cervical cancer in 1985 (after a routine checkup) every single one of my so called friends vanished into thin air.

When my boyfriend never showed up to pick me up at the hospital after my biopsy, it was his way of ending our engagement. As I made the round of calls that day to see if someone would be kind enough to pick me up, it was a relatively new friend, David, whom responded to my call for help. During the subsequent months of treatment I learned from him, and my fellow patients, a great deal about courage, life, living in the moment and about hope against all odds. It was during that time that David drilled into me that it takes 40 lbs of positive thinking to defeat 1oz of negativity.

That’s part of the reason I posted the email below. Reading the words “If you heal and recover” made me not only feel someone was betting against me. The effect of those words felt like I had been punched in the stomach. The email made me question my judgment about many things. How was it possible that someone who called themselves my friend would be capable of being so callous and inconsiderate? Not once in that email did they wish the best for me. Why did I not see that before; was I delusional, in denial, blind or just plain stupid? If I had been wrong about this friendship, what else could I be wrong about? How could I trust my judgment about my recovery and focus on staying healthy when I couldn’t even choose healthy people to be in my life? What “If” they were right? Needless to say I cried for a very long time before writting my previous post. After I wrote it I still was ambivalent about it.

However, had I not written it, the negative thinking those words inspired would have spiraled me out of control and taken me to a very dark place. I recall telling someone I had just met last year, that their kind of thinking could easily destroy me. ItÂ’s something David used to say whenever I found myself listening to those who bet against me in 1985, if you listen to negative words you will only accomplish living up to their self-fulfilling prophecy. If you listen to positive messages and words of hope, the future will always remain open to endless possibilities.

With your kind messages you have all pulled me back from the edge of that precipice. Now I have a new “C” word in my life – Caring! Thank you!

Posted by: Michele at 03:15 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 "When I was diagnosed with cervical cancer in 1985 (after a routine checkup) every single one of my so called friends vanished into thin air." See, this I simply don't understand. It's not the bubonic plague for heaven's sake. What is wrong with people? I know you're better off to have found out how very very shallow the old boyfriend was back then, but that had to hurt badly. "If I had been wrong about this friendship, what else could I be wrong about?" I'm betting this is the first time the friendship was tested under adverse circumstances. Until that happens you don't know how it will stand up - unfortunately in this case it doesn't stand at all. There's no way to know this ahead of time really. We all want to think the best of people we consider to be friends. It's the way we're wired. And it's a healthier way to live... for the most part. If you're constantly suspicious of everyone's motives - it gets depressing. Hang in there. Things will start looking up once you get your son completely well and they'll look even better when you get yourself better too. It's difficult to be optimistic when you've been under such stress for so long.

Posted by: Teresa at July 05, 2006 11:29 AM (jgXyO)

2 Life is too short to dwell on those that hurt you with or without concious. It seems to me there's many, me included, who think you're a wonderful person. Unfortunately, it will be this person's loss that you're not in their lives and not vice versa.

Posted by: Randy at July 05, 2006 03:42 PM (y9UuV)

3 Fair weather friends, feh. Real friends are the ones you not only can tell about the bodies, but they will help you bury them too... Hang in there, and Teresa is right, things will look much better once a certain little man has bounced back. Think then you will find yourself bouncing right alongside him too.

Posted by: Laughing Wolf at July 06, 2006 07:51 AM (vVVHa)

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